letter-c day 43

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I was remembering Vic and my early dating times as I tried to decide upon a plan with the vignettes. Do I want to do ten year time frames with random stories or do I want to group a collection of stories that show my personal growth with happier memories. I’m tired of the bad crap always getting my focus.

This picture appeared in the facebook feed. We had been in Camden, Maine driving when I asked Vic to stop so we could simply enjoy the ocean’s salty smell. We walked around the town a bit enjoying the peacefulness of a small town after the tourists have left for the season. Vic loves snapping pictures which is uncomfortable for me. Usually it’s me behind the lens taking the photograph not being the one before the lens. I feel awkward because pretty and photogenic are things that don’t apply to me.

This photograph surprised me…  he captured the introspective me and the harbor lights beautifully.  Anyway, looking at the photograph Eric Clapton’s song came to mind. Do you remember Wonderful Tonight?

My very first date in person with Vic was at DeMillo’s in Portland, Maine. I didn’t have an extensive wardrobe. Shopping was never something I enjoyed or could afford to do. I decided to wear white dress shorts, a black tank top with a red mesh sweater over the tank to dine. Vic wore an orange and blue polo shirt and khakis. We were comfortably dressed for a summer night. The restaurant was a short drive from the hotel. Our view from the table was perfect as the sun set on the ocean. The candle glowed upon our food as we talked about different things.

I still remember how special he made me feel, opening the door, taking my hand as we walked around for a bit after dinner. These may seem like small things to you but prior to him… no one opened a door for me, or took my hand or even took me to a nice restaurant. It was a perfect first date.

I don’t say or write it as often I should but Vic is a loving kind man. He’s the perfect man for me. I feel wonderful whenever we’re together even when he’s beating me in cribbage. Our time together means so much to me.

We’ve shared many dates since in fancy restaurants and some not so fancy but with good food. He teases me because I tend to want to stay with places that make me feel like I’ve come home. Like this diner near us, its not fancy looking at all. It’s owned by a Turkish family that work well together. The food choices are many and the taste is excellent. But that’s not what keeps me wanting to go again. It’s the way we feel while there… as if we’re part of their family not a customer.  They remember what we like, how it’s prepared which is awesome. The small talk we exchange is genuine prior to ordering and after makes the evening for me.  Not many fancy places make that extra effort.

“It’s late in the evening; she’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me, Do I look all right?
And I say, “Yes, you look wonderful tonight
We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that’s walking around with me
And then she asks me, Do you feel all right?
And I say, “Yes, I feel wonderful tonight”
I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you” ~ Eric Clapton

 

 

culinary

Tonight, we’re having stuffed zucchini since the ac is on. It’s humid as all get outside I don’t like running it but on days like today, it’s a necessary evil. So since we have climate control oven day it is. I wish I could say I picked the zucchini from my garden but soon. I have a buds with fruit behind them. And no more bunny or chipmunk invasions either.

More things for your culinary pharmacy-

Brazil nuts are selenium rich as well as anti-inflammatory which is helpful against colon and prostrate cancer but did you also know they’re helpful for your heart, brain and lowering your blood sugar. That’s a lot for your crunch.

Broccoli is also an anti-inflammatory. It can inhibit breast cancer growth as well as slowing leukemia and melanoma growth.

Buckwheat is another anti-inflammatory. It’s high fiber content helps regulate bowel movements as well speeding up the removal of toxins in our body.

writing:

I edited the short story that transpired from the prompt about an island suddenly appearing. I don’t know if i made it better or worse. 

Dear Johnny,

Last night, Dad shared a picture of Jacob at work with him.  Jacob was making him laugh. I’m glad for your Dad and Jacob that they have each other since you left us. You’re little brother looks so much like you. Except for one thing. He doesn’t hide his smiles like you always did.

I wish you could see Jacob choking the hammer as he nails. He looked more comfortable with the drill than he did the hammer. I wish I had taken pictures of you at that age using a hammer.

Zach has a tribute painted on the hood of both of his cars for you.  It looks so beautiful. Racing this year is crazy. The drivers and crew only at the track. No spectators allowed because of COVID-19. Zach missed a gear yesterday and didn’t finish where he hoped. I’m sure you can imagine the language that transpired.

This poem was reviewed on WDC today and it reminded me of the morning in the restaurant when you ordered my breakfast and then explained how I was wasting the waitress’s time by not knowing exactly how I wanted my food prepared. All that time you spent at the restaurant with Momma paid off. You taught us all.

two fried eggs on corned beef hash
sizzling in the pan
tantalizing my taste buds
with salty cravings
scrambled mess
bliss!

Gramma and Grandpa love you always. We miss you. Maybe when you have a chance could you rattle all the chimes again for me.

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325000#heart-health

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/benefits-of-broccoli

https://www.naturespath.com/en-us/blog/health-benefits-of-buckwheat/

Cancer Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz and Mat Edelson

 

Short Story Rewrite from the prompt

It began as a little girl’s wish to have a magical place of her own. She prayed fervently every night, but nothing changed. She simply stopped believing in magic. Who needs magical wishes.

Time passed, and now she was lying on her death bed waiting. She knew better than to hope for it to come quickly.

Her granddaughter burst into the room. “Grandma, there’s something you have to see.”

“I’m so tired, child.”

“But Grandma, there’s an island. It wasn’t there yesterday, but it is today. Some people are saying it’s dark magic. How can it be dark with all the beautiful flowers in bloom?.”

“Yes, child.”

“Grandma, please come to the window. I know once you see the magical island, you’ll feel better.”

She wanted to lie here. She felt so tired, her time must be near. Yet, she didn’t want to disappoint her granddaughter. She tugged with her all her might to upright herself. It took a lot for her to stand, but she made it. She grasped the nightstand table top and then the rocker until she finally made it to the window.

The sky didn’t have cloud anywhere to see.. The ocean looked ebony more than blue to her old eyes. She vaguely recalled a sailor’s warning when a sea looks deadly calm. She craned to see the bay.  There was an island with a rocky shoreline with lush green trees and flowers in every color under the rainbow. Were her eyes playing tricks on her?

“Megan, get your father, please.”

“Mom, what’s the matter?”

“Take me out to the island, son.”

“But, Mom, you’re not strong enough.”

“Charles, take me out to the island before its too late.”

Charles and Megan helped her down the stairs and across the yard. She looked like an old porcelain doll in the bright sunlight. They had to pause several times to let her catch her breath before moving on, but eventually, they made it to the pier.

“Hurry, my time is running out.”

He didn’t understand his mother’s urgency.  It had been a very long time since she had been focused on anything, let alone walk. He paddled the boat until they were deep enough to drop the motor down. He watched his mother staring straight ahead, holding Megan’s hand. The wind teased her silver strands free from the bun Megan had created for her Grandma.

“Charles, please bring the boat close enough for me to walk.”

“Give me a minute, Mom, to tie the boat off, and we’ll come with you.”

“No… No, I must go alone.”

Charles and Megan watched Grandma struggle to stand in the gentle waves.  Her frail body was hunched over her cane as she navigated to the shore.

“Dad, why can’t we go with her to help? I’m worried she’ll overdo.”

The sky darkened as they waited in the boat, He became worried. The sea became challenging in a little boat. He needed to get them back home safely. He called out to his mother, but she didn’t answer. He and Megan frantically searched for her.

Grandma was lying beside the mountain laurel. He noted the peaceful expression on her face and knew without checking, she was gone. He gently lifted his mother, surprised how little she weighed. All these years, she was a force to be reckoned with, yet at this moment, a feather weighed more.

He navigated his mom and daughter back to the mainland. The rain fiercely poured as they tied the boat to the pier. They scurried back to the house.

“Megan,  please get dry clothes. I’m going to place Grandma back on her favorite rose comforter until I can reach the coroner.”

Megan didn’t move. She waited patiently for her father to settle Grandma, then she combed her hair back in place before kissing her forehead. “I love you, Grandma.”
Megan glanced out her bedroom window. She screamed, “Dad, the island is gone.”

“What?” He ran outside.It had vanished just as Megan said, the dark sea stretched for miles with no land in sight.

 

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Response to a writing prompt

An island rose from the sea

 

It began as a little girl’s wish to have a magical place of her own. She prayed fervently every night for years but nothing changed. 10628262_1005639062795503_7739608798399268620_n

Years passed and she was lying on her death bed when her granddaughter burst into the room. “Grandma look out the window, there’s something you have to see.”

“I’m to tired child.”

“But Grandma there’s an island. It wasn’t there yesterday but it is today. Everyone is talking about it, some people are saying it’s dark magic. But I don’t believe it’s dark when you can see all the beautiful flowers in bloom.”

“Yes, child.”

“Grandma, please come to the window. I know seeing all the beauty will make you feel better.”

She wanted to lie there. She felt so tired, her time must be near. Yet, she didn’t want to disppoint her granddaughter. She tugged with her all her might to upright herself. It took a lot for her to stand but she made it. She grasped the nightstand table top and then the rocker until she made it to the window.

The sky didn’t have a cloud anywhere to be seen, yet the ocean looked more like ebony than blue to her. Sailor’s beware when the sea  looks dead. She turned to look more toward the right side of the bay and there it was. An island with a rocky shore line with lush green trees and flowers in every color under the rainbow. Were her  eyes playing tricks on her?

“Megan, get your father please.”

“Mom, what’s the matter?”

“Take me to the island, son.”

“But, Mom, you’re not strong enough.”

“Charles, take me to the island before its too late.”

Charles and Megan helped her down the stairs and across the yard. She looked like an ancient porcelain doll in the bright sunlight. They had to pause several times to let her catch her breath before moving on but eventually they made it to the pier. She asked him to hurry, time was running out.

He didn’t understand his mother’s urgency but didn’t want to disppoint her. It had been a very long time since she had been focused on anything let alone be on her feet walking. He paddled the boat until they were deep enough to drop the motor down.

His mother stared straight ahead as the wind teased her silver strands free from the bun Megan had put up earlier for her grandmother.

It only took a few mintues to arrive at the island but it seemed like forever to her. “Charles, please bring me close enough to walk.”

“Give me a minute, Mom, to tie the boat off and we’ll come with you.”

“No. No, I must go alone.”

Charles and Megan watched her struggle to stand in the gentle waves. She was hunched over using on her cane to support her frail body.

“Dad, is Grandma going to make it? Why can’t we go with her to help?”

The sky changed while they waited, He was worried that a storm was brewing. He needed to get them back home safely before the seas got rough. He called out to his mother but she didn’t answer. He and Megan frantically ran ashore to look for her.

She was lying beside the mountain laurel. He noted the peaceful expression on her face and knew without checking she was gone. He gently lifted his mother, surprised how little she weighed. All these years, she was a force to be reckoned with yet in this moment a feather weighed more.

He paddled his mom and Megan back to the mainland. The rain came down fiercely as they tied the boat to the pier. They scrambled to get inside the house. He gently laid his mother on her rose comforter. Megan combed her hair before kissing her forehead.

“I love you Grandma.”

During dinner, Megan looked out the window. “Dad, the island is gone”

“What?” He ran outside and just as Megan had said the dark sea stretched for miles with no land in sight.

first draft..

Sunflower 🌻letter-c day 42

Gardening

 

This beautiful sunflower was a gift from the birds that we feed. ❤️ I love her imperfections. Did you know sunflowers were chose as a symbol of peace after World War II. I wish there were more symbols of peace now instead of seeing the steady increase of gun sales.

Have you ever thought how much strength a sunflower must have to stand so tall in the scorching heat of the day and withstand the torrential downpours of Mother Nature. They’re amazing. And they feed the birds and squirrels for weeks after the summer season.

I worked in the front garden cleaning up after the landscapers pruned the shrubs. They don’t get into the beds other than to do the shrubs. So I scooped up all the trimmings off the hostas, carnations and the coneflowers. I pulled up the english ivy that was climbing up my weeping Alaskan cedar. The Enlish ivy was planted by the contractors years ago and it’s quite agressive if not pruned or pulled out in some places every month. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for the heat to wipe me out.

Reading

I read diyMFA for a while, had breakfast and then curled up with Megan Abbotts’ The Fever. Come to find out it’s loosely based on the incident at a high school in Le Roy, New York. I vaguely remember seeing the story on the Today show. In Abbott’s version, things begin happening to a group of girls shortly after they had the HPV vaccination.. This was one of the red herrings in the story. Another red herring was Eli and Deenie’s parents divorce. Neither of these events contributed to what happened to the girls. I’m not going to give spoilers because this is a very interesting story that I think you’ll enjoy.

Culinary

Dinner tonight was oven roasted potatoes, brussel sprouts roasted with balsamic vinegar and mustard glazed pork chops. Shoulder pain but no bad dash to the bathroom. We had toffee nut brownies for dessert.

And since we’re discussing culinary, here’s a couple more from the culinary pharmacy.

Bell peppers are anti-inflammatory as well as an anti-oxidant. Peppers are loaded with vitamins a, c, k,folic acid, and b6. and are a helpful in preventing for colon, cervical, bladder, prostrate, and pancreatic cancer. 

Black pepper is a digestion aid, and antibacterial. Black pepper stimulates our taste buds which in turn signals the stomach to get in gear producing hydrochloric acid which is necessary for digestion.

Blueberries are anti-flammatory. The ellagic acid in blueberries interferes with metabolic pathways that feed cancer.

My song choice today is Come Undone by Duran Duran. This song was on the pop charts the year my oldest son graduated high school. It was the year my family began crumbling. It seemed like more things were coming undone then not. My other son and my daughter would be soon after. I needed to get my game plan together especially knowing who I didn’t love. This song reminded me every time  it played that all the seams were frayed.

The family dynamics changed with John moving in with the girl that tore his world upside down. As a Mom, you want to stop them from making mistakes but unfortunately, they have to make the mistakes to evolve into adults. Life isn’t easy, in fact most of the time it’s so difficult one wonders why bother. But we do… one step after another…sometimes screaming, crying, cursing but we get there.

It took me  years to get to a place where I simply embrace who I am.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu

Regrettably, I feel like my life is coming undone again.

 

 

“Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone
Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I’ve heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I’m feeding off your fingers
(Can’t ever keep from falling apart
At the seams”~ Duran Duran
 
 

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”
― Ursula K. Le Guin

 
Inside a isolated city
lies shelters of frantic follicies
risky not reputable 
segregrated from
harmonious denizen
storms recorded
lawlessly paced
until
 
nothing  matters©
 

https://www.webmd.com/diet/peppers-health-benefits#1

https://www.everydayhealth.com/cancer-photos/herbs-and-spices-for-cancer-prevention.aspx

Blueberries

letter-c day 41

I wasn’t going to let letter-c creep into my mind today. It’s been 365 days since Johhny was stolen from us all.  Just so we understand each other, cancer you’re nothing more than inconvenience in the grand scheme. It’s not like I’ll let cancer have the power to end my life. My goal is to be a centaurion. I will not settle for anything less. I’ve beeen molested, beaten by parents, beaten by my first husband, verbally abused, and heartbroken with the loss of my grandchildren,   Cancer, nothing you can do to me will ever hurt as much as losing my grandbabies.

Samantha (2005) , Logan, (2008) and Johnny (2019) No one should ever have to bury their babies. No mom should ever see her babies make funeral arrangements for their babies.

My song today is the song played at Johnny’s funeral. He realy liked this song.

 

Me…  I HATE IT!

It hurts too much.

 

I hope you find everything you need Johnny where you are.

 

 

 

 

Haiku Evolution

Perfection dismissed

Seeking new aspirations

Funerals in myth©️

My two haikus today evolved…

Invited to die

Depths by determined inches

Only stagnation ©️

…………….

Invited to die

Death by determined inches

Funerals in myth ©️

Life at its core

I tried to process my grief in poetry. It was easier at first with haikus. I couldn’t focus on anything. All I saw was my baby crumbling because his baby, his precious son was dead. There’s no greater anguish in life as a Mom than not being able to protect your child from unbearable pain. I tucked my own pain away until I could process it as I do best in poetry.

 

Magnitudes beyond

Dismantled ruminations

Tickled pink sorrow

*************************************************************************************

Corpulent spirals

Reverberated silent

Rapturous horrors

*************************************************************************************

Quietus be damned

Soporific prophecy

Accolades revoked

*************************************************************************************

 

A blooming life

It is not a sweet budding rose

Or blooms oozing blood

It is not petals of withered love

Or stifled blooms gasping

It is not a mere passage

Or cracks of blooming suspense

It is not a promised bouquet

Or a requiem symbolizing regrowth

It is not a forever perennial

Or a blooming happy ever after fairy tale

But it is our budding rosy story

Filled with daily anguished decay.

 

October 15, 2005-July 1, 2019

We love you ❤️

 

Rapturous visions

Suspended revelations

Accolades denied

 

Love, Gramma and Grandpa

 

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/skowhegan-me/john-hovey-8768501