One step forward, one step backward

Just a brief recap, Sept 30th, I fell down the stairs carrying a box that was going to my granddaughter in Maine. I got up and continued bringing the box to the car and fetched the rest. No big deal, who doesn’t fall. I checked it out before bed, no bruising but it was sore. We went to Maine the next morning and made the deliveries. The following week a dark discoloration/ bruise appeared and the pain level increased. So I thought, well I’ll get it checked out. Ex-rays showed the third metatarsal was broke but he was concerned about the extension of my achilles and the swelling that was appearing in my calf. Okay on to get an MRI. MRI showed the achilles was torn slightly so into this boot for 3 months. The break healed but the achilles was still causing my toes to curl and the back of my leg to spasm. So we began PT, and a home tens unit. Now, mind you we’re talking four months and I still can’t walk without pain.

That’s not going to work I have a house to pack, and painting to finish so we get the best possible selling price. So interest of doing insanity I found a way to work for a couple of hours, use the tens unit to manage the pain. It made the process slower than it needed but at least there’s progress. I go to the Doctor yesterday morning for a recheck. I ask why the outside of my foot has increased in pain while the rest has appeared to recover. He takes another ex-ray and I have a new break.

You have got to frigging kidding. I’ve worn the boot when I’ve had to be on my foot longer periods even after I was freed. I am beside myself with frustration. Now, another MRI appointment is for this afternoon. He said to wear the boot again to I see him on the 17th when he goes over the results.

I’ve got a realtor biting at the bit to show our house and I’m still trying to pack. Can we say timing sucks?

If that wasn’t stressful enough, Vic’s mother collapsed again. She’s in the hospital because of oxygen deprivation and disorientation which go hand in hand. She lives in the St. Louis area, easy enough to get to if you hop on a plane. If you have the money to do that or feel comfortable flying with all the covid issues. Timing again, yesterday was Vic’s 68th birthday.

These are some of the crochet projects I completed during my time out from writing. My granddaughter , Olyvia was very happy with her albino bat like the one in Roblox, Stitch, Mike and Sully, and Rudolph. I made a few of the Plague doctor and nurse with cards saying 2020 survivor. And of course, hats and scarves for family. I did make all the grandchildren a reindeer for their holiday decorations. I made productive use of my time in the boot and restricted walking.

I’m going to close this entry with one of my go to quotes when I feel overwhelmed.

“On your darkest days do not try to see the end of the tunnel by looking far ahead. Focus only on where you are right now. Then carefully take one step at a time, by placing just one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you will turn that corner.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

Time Out

Hard to believe that four months slipped by since I’ve blogged here. Frustrated and stressed after falling back in October I really didn’t have much I wanted to talk about. Trying to get everything done in the house so it can go on the market meant not decorating for the holidays. That stressed me more than I wanted to admit. I’m 64 and this was the first time in my life there wasn’t a tree in my home.

It’s been almost a year since the cancer scare. Nothing new has surfaced since they did the scope in August. The bloodwork was fine, my liver numbers dropped to almost normal levels. Since the gall bladder surgery, there are still lots of foods that trigger discomfort. The Omeprazole has become a staple in my life now. There are some foods that I refuse to eliminate from my diet. Yeah, I know glutton for punishment.

I’ve been painting the trim and touching up the walls that needed it. It looks so much better now. I hope the new owners appreciate all the effort. Even if they don’t, it’s just part of my nature. I can’t leave the house half done, I see it as a reflection of me. In good conscience I know we will be leaving this home in better condition than when we moved into it back in 2004.

The previous owner swapped out appliances after we purchased the house so there were older appliances here instead of the ones we originally saw. Vic actually came to the house after signing and the man that worked for the owner was taking bookcases out of the house. Sleezeball.

I know in previous blog entries I talked about my fur babies. Macavity is doing well but Yeatsie is not. He’s lost a lot of weight, is disoriented most of the time. He cries out and acts fearful as if he doesn’t recognize us. It’s heartbreaking seeing him standing there trembling not sure what to do next.

Yes, cats do get Alzheimer’s or dementia. He sleeps so much more than he did. His 17th birthday is in May. I don’t know where the time went because it seems like only yesterday I was bottle feeding him. He went on the bus with me, he went to my college classes with me. He bravely puffed up his little body when strangers approached our car when we were lost in the Bronx.

The decision is weighing heavily on me. Vic said he would support whatever decision I make. I’m questioning what his quality of life really is right now. Our vet likes to push drugs and that’s not quality of life when your 17 years old or 84 in human years. I love my cats dearly but that doesn’t give me the right to hang onto to them at all costs.

I know with Quasi, he had thyroid issues and we battled every day with him to get his medication into him. He didn’t cooperate at all and in the end it didn’t matter because he ended up dying. He weighed only 4 lbs when he died. He looked horrific.

Yeatsie right now weighs 8 lbs, you can see his protruding back bone and part of his ribcage. I keep coaxing him to eat and drink but he resists. It’s a daily battle between us right now.

I’m sure there are people that disagree with my thoughts about extending a cats life but I’m not really asking for advice. I know if I didn’t recognize my home or family than I would want the option of assisted suicide versus being trapped in a body afraid of everything around me. Humans can vocalize their feelings and hopefully live where it is legal whereas our pets depend on us to do the right thing.

I’ve crocheted a lot while I wasn’t writing. I’ll post pictures in the next blog entry.

Anyway, this is where my head is.

#Song Lyric Sunday

What day is it? Oh yeah, Sunday. Time for Song Lyric Sunday or #SLS. Jim prompts us with begin/end/finish/start.  I could have chosen a song with begin but I felt I covered begin so I moved to end. My choices of end I really like so I started by writing my entry with three different approaches to the End of the World.

Billie Eilish ~ The End of the World

The End of the World was originally by Rob Dickinson.

Breathe the air again, it’s a beautiful day
I wish this moment would stay with the Earth
Some primal paradise
But there you go again, saying everything ends
Saying you can’t depend on anything, or anyone

If the end of the world was near
Where would you choose to be?
If there was five more minutes of air
Would you panic and hide
Or run for your life
Or stand here and spend it with me
If we had five more minutes
Would I, could I, make you happy?

And we would live again
In the simplest of ways
Living day after day
Like some primal animals
We would love again
Under glorious suns
With the freedom that comes with the truth

If the end of the world was near
Where would you choose to be?
If there was five more minutes of air
Would you panic and hide?
Or run for your life?
Or stand here and spend it with me?
If we had five more minutes
Would I, could I, make you happy?

So it finally came to pass
I saw the end of the world
Saw the madness unfold like
Some primal burial
And I looked back upon
And the moment of truth
Between you and me

If we had five more minutes of air to breathe
And we cried all through it
But you spent them with me
On our last few drags of air we agree
I was and you were happy

I noticed her first in the James Bond movie trailer, No Time to Die promotions. She sang the theme song No Time to Die. Eilish’s debut studio album,  Where We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go in 2019 debuted atop the Billboard 200. It became the best performing album in 2019 in the states.

She’s a young woman with a lot of years ahead of her.

Rob Dickinson  is a British musician and singer-songwriter previously of the band Catherin Wheel.  On 10 June 2008, Fresh Wine for the Horses was re-released by Universal/Fontana adding the new song “The End of the World.” 

Songwriters: Rick Wentworth / David Dundas / Rob Dickinson

I discovered him by accident because I typed in the End of the World looking for Skeeter Davis. This End of the World was written by Arthur Kent and Sylvia Dee.

The End of the World

Skeeter Davis

Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore

Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Peter Mcnulty-Connolly / Marcus Mybe / Louie St. Louis / Kurtis Deshaun Williams / Michael Angelo

It’s more this just an end now, my entry is finished. Now if only the circus in the White House would end. Bozo needs to put on his big boy pants and accept his loss.

Thanks Jim.

#SOC Saturday

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you every week by Linda Hill. Check out her blog for the rules and the contribution of other bloggers.

This week’s prompt:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “ring.” Use it as a noun, a verb, an adverb, or an adjective…use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

Initially, my brain went to first wedding ring. I can’t help but smile. Man it took a lot to get my woodstove hot enough in my old house to melt my first wedding ring. It was the second step in my reclaiming me. The first step was when I dragged the couch he left behind in our home after our divorce. It wasn’t the one we had agreed upon in the splitting of our personal belongings. Just another example how little he valued me. I burned that dang couch in the middle of our driveway along with 30 years of his Guns and Ammo magazines that he dumped in the middle of the living room taking the trunk they were inside. The flames rose high that night as my freedom rang in snaps and cracks into the fall air. I don’t know why I didn’t toss the ring in that night but I didn’t.

I melted the ring after he took the hinges off the door while I was at work. I had to do a mad dash to the lumber yard to get new hinge pins for the door. It was chilly as all get out so I stoked the fire in the stove. I was furious with the man, and that was all it took. I grabbed the ring from the bowl on the window sill and set it on the stove. Then I set about trying to put the pins back in the door alone. I had to put scraps of lumber under the door to hold it up so I could slip the pins in. I tossed some of the scraps in the lumber and that was the push the stove needed to melt that damn ring and the life sentence flat. It was immensely satisfying.

But I thought of another ring of truth. None of us likes to hear the numbers are escalating again with Covid. Nor do we want to hear anymore of the Trump circus. Face it instead of being a poor sport. So I turned to music.

American Scandal came up on YouTube. It’s Ashley McBryde and this song struck another ring of truth. American Scandal lyrics were written by Randal Clay, Terri Jo Box, and Ashley McBryde.

Hold me, baby, hold me like you ain’t mine to hold
Oh, kiss me, baby, kiss me, like you don’t care who knows
Oh, love me baby love me like Kennedy and Monroe

Typically, we remember the awkwardness of our first kiss. If yours was anything like mine, it was horrible and so embarrassing. Then there’s the beginning tentative kiss that happens when you’re just exploring the waters, and you’re not sure whether to simply caress their lips or to dive in with all the pent-up passion that you have because your heart is involved. We’re filled with so many emotions. Unfortunately, the kisses evolve to only greetings over time, maybe a random peck on the lips during the day or goodnights. Kisses with barely a thought become just another one of the motions of many in the day.

Then there’s the time when you realize that you don’t want to be kissed by this person. Not everyone goes through this but the ones who’ve divorced you know what I mean. The revulsion is intense. And you wonder if you’ll ever kiss anyone with passion again.

Life happens, and suddenly we’re faced with the last kiss before you let them go forever.  Those kisses hurt so much. We’re never ready. I miss you, Johnny so much. I wish I had kissed you more often.

We’ve all experienced kisses over the years, but do you remember when the last time someone kissed you like they didn’t care if anyone knows?

I’ve been fortunate because I did find someone I wanted to kiss passionately. My life came around full circle like a ring.

I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve said to my husband, that I love how he kisses me. Life’s too short. That’s the unfortunate ring of truth. We shouldn’t let it slip through our fingers…. we need to love and kiss like we don’t care who knows.

#Laughing Along with a Limerick

Esther’s word for the day was scary.

Already knew this man’s contrary
going on a date may be scary
but being grounded helps
better than taking scalps
or hoping he’ll ask me to marry

Bird watching:

We had an interesting visitor on our wedding anniversary. It wasn’t easy capturing him with my camera with the cobweb blocking me from removing the window screen to get a better view.

Isn’t he stunning? I enjoyed seeing him but he did make all the other birds disappear except for the woodpecker who continued indulging on the suet.

The sharp-shinned hawk aka  (Accipiter striatus) is a small hawk. The males are the smallest hawks in the United States and Canada, but are glorious to watch.


I’m still working on Sully for Olyvia while I’m laying low on activity with the air cast.

#FOWC -Insatiable

This week’s dining experiences definitely excited my palate. because I decided to take a cultural exploration with the new recipes. You can say my quest for expanding my skills is insatiable. I love cooking and I don’t want it to be mundane.

I began with Mexican, a new recipe with enchilada’s which was really good but I had to take Prilosec. Yeah, still having issues with reflux. I made a thai dish, it was tasty with lemongrass, fresh basil, crushed red pepper, spinach, and rice noodles with chicken but wasn’t filling. Eating cereal before bed is not good for the diet or the digestive tract. Today, we’re having Jamaican pork, smells divine but I am wondering how I’m going to do.

Thai chicken
Jamaican Pork

My husband swears I have an insatiable desire for bubble wrap clothing. If you’ve been reading my blog or following me on Facebook I took a tumble on the stairs back on September 30th when I was carrying boxes for the trip to Maine. Yeah, it hurt but I had a lot to do so I kept going. It didn’t bruise immediately so I assumed it wasn’t broke. Yup, that dang word assume, made an ass out of me. It got more uncomfortable but still didn’t bruise until the 14th. So I made an appointment with my orthopedic doctor from the last time I fell. Yup, I’m a klutz too.

To make a long story short, after an ex-ray and a MRI I broke the third metatarsal , over-extended the fibula tendon and tore my Achilles. Thankfully, it’s only a small tear but he won’t rule out surgery until after I spend a month in an air-cast.

I do stay off my foot until it’s time to cook dinner. I’ve been working on Sully to go with Olyvia’s Mike from Monsters Inc. It’s not at point to photograph yet. I think she’s going to be quite pleased.

Oozing With a Bit of Contempt

OFP4 - 2020

It started with a three eye roll
oozing with a bit of contempt
but for her t’was rather droll
because she believed she was exempt.

Oozing with a bit of contempt
the horns rose to mock the halo
because she believed she was exempt
bearing the royal name Veilleux.

The horns rose to mock the halo
beneath the blood covered fingers
bearing the royal name Veilleux.
She spewed many crude zingers.

Beneath the blood covered fingers
but for her t’was rather droll.
She spewed many crude zingers.
It started with a three eye roll.

16 lines

I chose a Pantoum because I wanted to try a different form than I typically explore. The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.

The design is simple:

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4

Line 5 (repeat of line 2)
Line 6
Line 7 (repeat of line 4)
Line 8

Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanzathen repeats the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first line of the poem is also the last.

Last stanza:

Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza

# Laughing along with a Limerick

seriously, give me a dang break
sincerity, yours is clearly fake
you….. promised to be there
said you really care….
I don’t need this headache or heartache



I’ve been working on Olyvia’s birthday present while I’m laid up. She’s a huge fan of Monster’s Inc. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve worked on toys. I used to make crocheted toys all the time when my children were younger. John had a blue and white rabbit, Chris had a dragon and Amanda had Humpty Dumpty that I had done when they were born. There were other crocheted toys over the years. I don’t know why I stopped.

Last year a friend asked if I could make him Finn from Adventure Time. It was actually an easy pattern and I enjoyed it. Then he asked about Forky from Toy Story, so I did Forky.

I asked my daughter if Olyvia would like Woody and Jesse from Toy Story. She said, Olyvia would but she would really love Mike Wazowski and Sully. Her favorite movie is Monster’s Inc. So I did Mike and I’m working on Sully.


Foot update:

I’m a klutz . I fell on September 30th lugging boxes downstairs for our trip to Maine on October 2nd. I missed the dang step. Yeah, it hurt but I didn’t think too much of it. It was sore but one expects that when you fall. It didn’t bruise so I thought I escaped the bullet. It was uncomfortable to bear weight but I figured it would go away But unfortunately, last Monday (19th) my ankle turned dark purple and the swelling was spreading up into my leg. So I made an appointment with an orthopedic. Ex-ray wasn’t conclusive enough on the ankle but they were able to determine I had a heel spur, tore my achilles and a hairline fracture of my foot. Naturally, let’s do more tests so I had the MRI done. Stay off the foot, use crutches and we’ll see you on the 28th. We discuss then if you need surgery because the MRI will tell us more about the achilles and how bad it’s torn and what’s going on with the ankle. By the way, we recommend compression knee high socks so you need to get those for your boot that you’ll be fitted for on the 28th.

If it hadn’t been a pandemic, I would’ve had the MRI the same day and this would already be done. Got to make the appointment online, wait for them to call you back do their screening and then they’ll schedule you.

Anyway to make a long story short… I’ve been hanging out in a recliner with my foot elevated putting a lot of Voltaren creme on it and crocheting. If you have any kind of pain, Voltaren works really well with the direct application to the area. Between that and taking the Diclofenac which is the pill form of Voltaren I’ve been reasonably comfortable until I do the hop to the bathroom or navigate the stairs to come down in the morning or go back up at night for bed.

Vic wants to wrap me in bubble wrap.



Olyvia gave me a talking too about my reading. Apparently, I’m not reading enough. I just finished Ray Bradbury’s The Halloween Tree ( excellent) and Roald Dahl’s Book of Ghost Stories. She’s read more books than me plus done her schoolwork. I took the lecture in good grace because I couldn’t simply say I’ve bee crocheting her birthday present.


Poetry Contest: Picture Prompt

OFP3 - 2020

Mirrored in Pain

A single glowing orb casted light
upon my love’s dark, silken mane
for it helped hide her slender neck from sight.

I fear she chose the angle to hide her fright
from my rage because every word was a strain.
A single glowing orb casted light

adding to my agony beholding this night.
Oh the sorrow, if only there wasn’t pain
for it helped hide her slender neck from sight.

Did she abandon living out of spite,
just to mock our love. Is she really that vain?
A sing glowing orb casted light

I will find a way to set things right
for I will not be known as a cruel swain
for it helped hide her slender neck from sight.

Lovers all have moments they feel contrite
we mustn’t let our happy memories be slain.
A single glowing orb casted light
for it helped hide her slender neck from sight.

19 lines

A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

Wednesday one liner

“Wasn’t me”

At least, that’s what Shaggy wants us to believe.

I wish I could say it wasn’t me who took that ungraceful leap down the stairs either. Well I didn’t leap but I was carrying boxes and totally missed the step. I got up and continued like usual. Not my first fall, probably won’t be my last either.

Moving on.. yup it’s been two weeks and it still hurts. Yesterday, the bruising showed up after I slipped with my socks on the hardwood floor and the pain really got annoying. So I called the orthopedic doctor and made an appointment.

Moving on again…yup which news you want first.. I have a stress fracture. Well I kinda figured that one out. Torn Achilles…nah, I didn’t expect that. Ex ray wasn’t clear enough but looks like your ankle is broken. Need an mri to be conclusive before we do surgery. Now, I can say it WTF? I’ve already had 3 surgeries this year. This year has been seriously overrated, I’m ready for the next one.

MRI tomorrow….lucky me. At least, I don’t have to be closed inside the tube. After that I get the rest of the news.

Telling ya wasn’t me….sliding down the stairs with my foot extended. Wasn’t me…limping ….wasn’t me sporting a bag of ice.

Forky from Toy Story

Crochet request from a good friend. Hopefully he will be smiling One of us needs to after this day.