An unusual prompt, it suggested living in the apartment of my dreams rent free but it came with one stipulation which was living with my worst enemy. Could I do it? What rules or stipulations would I need in place?
I read the prompt and laughed. Not in this life time is my initial response.
One, it would have to be quite the spectacular apartment for that to briefly be a consideration because of the key stipulation. Worst enemy?
I’m sure you’re thinking how bad can her worst enemy be.
Even pausing to consider the interesting addition to the prompt with the possible rules or stipulations my reluctance would continue because we all know how well good intentions work and let alone the rules. Every rule has a gray area and naturally that leaves the temptation to break them wide open for interpretation. What I see as unacceptable another might see as what’s the big deal. Trusting my instincts matters more than any assurance from my worst enemy.
I’ve lived with alcoholic parents that were abusive alcoholics and then naively married an abusive man so living in stressful situations is something I’m familiar with already. I’ve learned as I aged, don’t put myself in situations that have potential risk. Don’t invite trouble.
Which is why regardless how tempting the apartment might be, the price tag is too high.
Once upon a time, it was makeup. I never went anywhere without putting it on. I carried a backpack purse with makeup for touch-ups. Heaven forbid, I didn’t have my eyes just so and my lips shiny. These days, I’m lucky if I comb my hair before I head out. Appearances aren’t as important to me as they once were to me. Looking back I can’t believe how vain I once was.
I never used to go anywhere without a purse either My friends used to tease me about carrying everything but the kitchen sink. Then, it was a cell phone, driver’s license and a debit card in my pocket. But even that has changed, These days if I have pockets than my cell phone and a debit card when Vic isn’t with me. If he is than it’s just the phone. Not that I’m expecting an important call, it’s more important to me to know how many steps I have taken each day. Priorities, have changed. I try to walk the same amount of steps daily.
The interesting part of this question is what can’t I leave home without? Reality for me is there’s nothing that important to me anymore. What’s more important to me is when I’ll be back home. I don’t like leaving the cats home alone especially with our neighbors fascination with fireworks. Both of our babies are terrified of the loud noise. I used to love going places, now I find going out less enjoyable.
As I’m writing this afternoon, Pumpkin and I are outside in the back yard. It’s something I enjoy doing daily. A mourning dove walked between Pumpkin in his cat enclosure an me sitting in a lawn chair with my laptop with not a concern. Pumpkin stared and I didn’t move because I was curious to see the kitten’s reaction. It’s been easily five minutes and the dove is still ambling around us. Apparently, my hen pecking on the keyboard isn’t disturbing to the dove.
Anyway, have you ever thought about what you can’t leave home without. How much as that evolved over the years?
It’s the first time in many years, I’ve co-habituated with my daughter. It was an unsettling process once the decision was made. Especially, when you’ve both had your own home and way of doing things. Naturally, there’s an adjustment period to each other’s routines so we agreed on a one year lease together.
It’s been 7 months now, we’ve survived the holidays, shuffling things in the house, organizing the garage, children coming to play to make it work for our needs without arguing. That’s huge! Vic’s been a trooper living with three women instead of just one. We discussed continuing the arrangement and reached out to the landlord to continue our lease for two more years. The surprise bonus was the landlord didn’t increase the rent for the new agreement. This also takes us through Olyvia’s years in elementary school.
The other nightmare was getting competent medical treatment for my migraines. Initially, it took 3 months to get an appointment with the Neurology Center recommended by my previous doctor. Once that started, new evaluations began so the doctor could create a baseline for a treatment plan. Surprises again! I have a pinched nerve in c3 and a herniated disc in c2 just what I didn’t want to hear. But then the scary detail was what got a second MRI within days was a potential blood clot. Second MRI confirmed it was a blood clot and I got to add another medication to my portfolio coumadin. If this doesn’t work, then they want to go get it.
Lucky me, another possible surgery. I’m so over surgeries. My right foot didn’t heal the way the ortho doctor promised so that is going to require another surgery as well. I’m 65 this isn’t the age I want to be going under anesthesia though I’m told the brain fogginess isn’t like it used to be. I believe there are risks regardless of the well intended assurances.
Life isn’t promised, it’s simply lived one day at a time. “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” ― Robert Frost
Especially when you’ve just had foot surgery. Remember when I fell last fall, well that fall just keeps on giving. A friend suggested the giving foot as a short story. Not a bad idea considering all that has happened with it.
Initially, all the pain was in the left foot. I went to the doctor’s and yup I had broken it and hyper-extended the Achilles tendon. I got to wear an Aircast for 4 months and physical therapy. Unfortunately, the physical therapy brought another issue. I also had a break just under my ankle bone that didn’t show in the initial MRI but did in the second one. Lucky me another month in the boot and different physical therapy.
I was getting pretty good at painting and doing the things that needed to get done before we showed the house with the boot on. One learns to adapt when you have a honey to do list. Thankfully, at the end of March, I got out of the boot. Yay! Now, I can get things done.
I still had some painting on the back of the house that required me to be high on the ladder. I was standing on the ladder step but had to extend on my tippy toes to reach. OWWWW! That really made my right foot hurt. I called the doctor and he did an ex-ray. Oh no, the second metatarsal was broke and so was my third toe. It was not in a position it was supposed to be either. I had a huge discoloration in the same area. Lucky me, back into a boot while they scheduled surgery. The doctor indicated the break looked about the same age as the other ones but that the added stress aggravated it to the point it gave out.
May 26th, I had surgery. I have screws holding the metatarsal and toes in place. I have long pins sticking out of my toes to hold them in the proper position. I can weight bear in the boot for very limited periods of time. As painful as it is, I’m not even pushing the limit. This is by far the most painful surgery I’ve ever had and I’ve had quite a few now. I spend a lot of time sleeping or icing it. The pain takes so much out of me that I don’t sleep well or for very long.
My first recheck is June 3rd.
In the meantime, we’re still showing the house except the perspective buyers are stuck with me being here. Our realtor is taking them around while I stay seated in the recliner with an ice pack I’m doing that every hour to minimize the swelling. If I don’t my foot balloons so much that the boot feels like a vice. The pressure on the pins is horrific so I am really keeping on top of it.
Like I’ve said many times, timing is everything and I’ve been never been lucky. I saged the house and put out fresh salt to clear the energy after that skitso buyer who couldn’t make up her mind and yanked us around for a month. But I unfortunately, hadn’t done it before I did the last ladder experience and the new injury. Nor did it help having her keep the house in limbo because on realtor it indicates our house has been on the market for a longer period of time.
This growing old isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. I’m not a patient person by nature and this limbo makes me grumpy.
Vic is doing the deck repairs alone because I can’t be on my feet. There were some boards with serious cracks and that’s not safe on a second story deck. He’s replacing them. It’s actually not that difficult and a helluva lot cheaper than rebuilding the deck. We did have the deck checked and it is structurally sound except for the three boards. Those boards happen to be where snow falls off the roof and sits in the winter. Yup another casualty of growing old. Shoveling isn’t easy. Another reason why Vegas is so appealing… no shoveling.
On a positive note, my daughter and granddaughter are already moved into our new home. Olyvia had a sleep-over with her friends on Sunday night. She was so excited. She’s never had one because her father didn’t want any noise at the house. Good thing for Olyvia, her grandparents and Mom don’t mind the sound of children having fun.
I turned my head to see who was speaking. There wasn’t anyone near me except the llama. I shook my head and took another sip of my coffee. I sighed as I savored the delectable brew.
“I put coffee in my coffee, today. So what are your plans for the day,” asked the llama chuckling at his wittiness.
“I’m going to…. ” I sprang up from the bench. There’s no way a llama could talk. “Who’s playing practical jokes?” I looked under the bench for a speaker, or a microphone. Anything to explain the voice but I discovered nothing or no one. This is bonkers. I must be losing my mind.
“You’re going where? Is it somewhere fun?”
“No, it’s not fun. I’m going to the hospital to get my Botox injections.”
“Oh, are there a lot of needles involved?”
” How are you talking? Llamas don’t talk.”
“Who says llamas don’t talk. We talk all the time. I believe you’re misinformed. “
I slugged back my coffee. ” I need to leave or I’ll be late. Have a good day.”
“Hey could you answer one question before you leave. Do you think someone will look at me the same way I look at coffee?”
I scurried away but not without turning back several times. The llama continued to sip his coffee on the bench. I couldn’t help but wonder what was in my coffee.
Sometimes people need to get something off their mind and just spill it all out there. Those moments are referred to as dramatic monologues. Writing them can be intimidating to some and a lot of fun to others. I thought writing a stream of conscious monologue would be interesting since I’m not really in a venting mood today.
In case you didn’t know there are several interesting examples of monologues if you want to explore more about them. Alan Allen by Irene Zahava and Mrs. Saunders Writes Her Name to the World by Lynne Sharon Schwartz.
I decided to try my own version of Writing My Name to the World.
Lyndalee, that’s how I was taught to spell my name but as an adult I saw my birth certificate and I actually have two first names. Old habits die hard, I still write it as one word unless I am signing a legal document than I make the conscious effort. Lee would have been a great middle name but instead I was blessed with my grandmother’s name, not one both. Irene, my father’s mother’s first name and my mother’s mother’s middle name. Irene isn’t an awful name until some one sings you too many times Good night, Irene, Good night Irene I’ll see you in you in my dreams. It got to be obnoxious after a while especially since they knew how creepy it made me feel. This person should never imply seeing me in his dreams but then he lived up to his monster personna.
I didn’t find either of them to be the worst names given a child but if you add in the last name. My maiden name was difficult to pronounce and people continuously slaughtered it. The teasing by my peers was hurtful. But then when I decided to take their power away by only signing with my initials. My initials spelled LIP, that gave others the opportunity for snarky comments. Here’s comes LIP, she’s always got an opinion.
So when married I didn’t think twice about ditching the maiden name but some things don’t change people keep pushing the ones they already know trigger reactions like singing Irene. New people would inquire if I was actually giving them my first name and middle name when filling out documents. We don’t need your middle name. Once I explained then the comment followed. Who gives nobody’s two first names? Excuse, I’m not a nobody.
I decided to change the whole picture as I reestablished myself after divorce my I just go by Lyn and sign my full first name only when necessary. I don’t bother to share middle name anymore. I remember reading this quote “I’m not my name. My name is something I wear, like a shirt. It gets worn. I outgrow it, I change it.”-Jerry Spinelli
And I’ve learned it ain’t what they call me. What really matters now is what I’ll answer to.
Vic and I decided to enjoy a mid-afternoon siesta after a very long week. Macavity hopped up and snuggled against my leg but when I woke he had migrated to the center of the bed. I laughed because he was crosswise on the bed just like sleeping with a toddler. I’ve taken naps with my children and my grandchildren. They always ended up the wrong direction.
Macavity was sleeping so soundly I was able to take his picture and to slip out of bed for a restroom visit. He never even stirred when I returned to bed. I think this past week was exhausting to him as well.
After forty eight hours straight the wind finally calmed down. I think that also impacted our sleep more than realized. Macavity didn’t sleep in his usual spot by the window because the howling was crazy loud. I know it woke me quite a few times too!
Beltane Blessings to you and yours. Hope you enjoy !
She was asked ,”Can beauty be found in chaos? How does one describe chaos? How does one describe beauty?
She knows chaos is a behavior or a situation so unpredictable it feels random. Just because it’s unpredictable doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. It doesn’t matter because beauty cannot be defined objectively. Beauty is a combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially sight. She likes the wind whipping leaves across the grass on a sunny fall day. The crackling of the leaves, the branches are magical to her. But not everyone observes what she does. How each leave surrenders to the caress of the wind like lovers veering into each other’s body as passions spiral. The energy revives her.
Life sometimes spirals because that the nature of the beast. In those moments, she embraced the chaos, and sought the hidden beauty that wasn’t apparent to others. They wouldn’t say shit if they had a mouthful but she’s different.
Some would say she’s a bitch for being so blunt, she won’t apologize for saying it like it is.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch
I made a bacon, {saved 4 strips from last night’s BLT’s) pepper, fresh picked basil frittata topped with Mexican cheese to begin this day. The protein was great, so tasty. Added bonus, breakfast is already made for tomorrow. Woohoo.
The inspector for proof of occupancy came today. Almost made it through unscathed, we need to change one of our outlets to a gfi because it’s within six feet of our sink. Thankfully, he doesn’t charge to come back and check once it’s done. This worrying about cost involved is stressful. So looking forward to getting out of this money pit. Still no communication from the buyer’s realtor after the other inspector’s report.
Using zoom last night had some quirks initially but hopefully we have it all ironed out for next weeks writer’s meeting. Attendance was good and hopefully it will continue growing with additional interest. The format works well. Initially, I hated the online but I will say hanging out in my jams does have advantages. There’s also another factor too, once I’m in Vegas this will be my connection. Or maybe it will be time to walk away. Let someone else deal with the stress of micro-managers and people who pointedly make others uncomfortable. Lots of decisions.
I went through some more magazines, recycled them. Trash day was today and I filled it to the brim. This tossing and giving away isn’t as painful as it was. Though, I will say selling things on facebook marketplace is a total frigging waste of time. We have this large safe. I put it on there. I’ve gotten more hit on messages than any serious inquiries about the safe. It’s clear people are obnoxious. I wouldn’t waste someone’s time with stupid messages but apparently that’s not true of others.
I feel bad for Macavity, Vic grabbed the vacuum and he vanished. Poor baby connects vacuum with cat carrier. One of my criteria’s on our next place is minimal rugs. He doesn’t mind the broom or dust mop.
Olyvia, my granddaughter, and her competition dance team received highest overall score. Way to go girls! They have another competition this Saturday at 11:30am. I am so looking forward to being able to see her team compete once we’re there. She’s been dancing since she was two. Oh my, the girls were so adorable. They laid hula-hoops on the floor so they knew where to be. The end of the year recital is June 5th, I’m hoping we’ll be there in time.
A good shot of whiskey would have tasted pretty good a couple times this week but I know how easily I could slide back to my old crutch. I know I can’t drink all the stress away anymore than I could drink away an unhappy marriage. Like Justin and Chris, I’ve tried Jack, Jim, Jameson, Evans, Makers, and Crown… nothing took away the pain and unhappiness. I can’t drink the stress away but I can cleanse my space with lots of sage.
Did you know Beltane is on Saturday. Hard to believe it’s almost May. Beltane is a Celtic word which means ‘fires of Bel’ (Bel was a Celtic deity). It is a fire festival that celebrates of the coming of summer and the fertility of the coming year. “Emma Restall Orr, a modern day Druid, speaks of the ‘fertility of our personal creativity’. (Spirits of the Sacred Grove, pub. Thorsons, 1998, pg.110). She is referring to the need for active and creative lives. We need fertile minds for our work, our families and our interests.”
My attempt to write 30 poems in April went awry because of all the stress. I can’t let this crap keep ruining my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about how much this whole house situation has derailed me emotionally and add in some other additional stressors I need to focus on me. I agree with Emma, creativity has been lacking.
So I thought I would try 31 micro-fiction pieces for May. I’ve been scribbling in my journal a lot so taking it a notch shouldn’t be to challenging. I’ve already placed new salt on my altar and have candles ready for Saturday night’s fire ritual. I haven’t packed my tarot cards, a reading is overdue.
May 1st… time to replenish me…
“May Day/ Beltane celebrates the start of the bright half of the year. One of four main festivals of Celtic spirituality, it’s a time to make merry.”
lyncrain 