Time flies

I was surprised to see my last post was November 29th, 2017.  I worked religiously on getting the 50,000 words done for the challenge in November then I began the dreaded task of editing what I had written. Some parts I genuinely liked but others not so much. One thing continuously screamed at me was Mairin didn’t want her story told in 3rd person, she wanted to talk herself. Reminded me of myself, I hate being in the background silent when I’m quite capable of speaking for myself.

Sadly, that wasn’t always the case. In my younger years, I was intimidated by an abusive husband I didn’t speak much at all. It was safer to let him talk. But over time I tossed that inhibition aside and became my own advocate. I’m finding Mairin is as well whether I want her to be or not.

For those of you not familiar with writing, who are probably shaking your head and thinking what is she talking about, she’s the author. True, I’m the author but as an author is writing the character develops on the page the writing is swept away by the character as the author thinks and writes from their point of view. I chuckled several times rereading something I wrote and wondered where did that come from. I didn’t see that coming.

Inside all of us is all the different influences we’ve accumulated and our reactions to the situations vary time and time again because of each new influence. These influences can be from something we’ve read, seen or actually experienced and our brain processes it for later reference.

My character Mairin has been through cancer already and is facing it again so she has past experiences to draw upon in addition to the experiences of the people that were doing a treatment at the same time I felt comfortable using my experiences for some of her reactions with the brain cancer. {No, I didn’t have brain cancer myself. Uterine, esophageal and breast cancer was bad enough. I had the genetic markers done and if I get cancer again it will be my brain so there is an ongoing curiosity as to what is being done in research.)

As the author, I wanted to focus on the legacy left behind when someone passes but as I wrote Mairin began fighting for her life, she didn’t want to die. It was about living now, taking chances and finding a way to live more than creating something special for her loved ones. She resisted on the page and made connecting the dots harder and harder.

I began the story again in the first person with her telling the story which is going a lot easier. I shared one part the other night in my writing group. I was surprised by the different reactions. They varied from you I love it in the first person but it has to be in past tense if you want it published to the imagery was beautiful I felt her struggling with something more than the scene unfolding. A couple of them noted I used metaphors throughout the piece with sun and new beginnings. One reaction I didn’t anticipate which took me back to the page trying to see it as they did. I can’t. The reader’s response was I can’t follow the narrator and it almost feels like a blow by blow sex scene without any emotional connection. Now, I know critiques are subjective and can be taken or tossed to the curb.

I’m at the drawing table again rewriting the scene to share again this week. Please tell me what you think.

The room flooded with a pinkish glow, the curtains stemming the best effort of the sun to conquer my private world. I gazed at his still form with only the gentle rise and fall of the sheet. I caressed his face, lightly, as yet unwilling to wake him.
I loved this time of the day—the radiant color inspired hope. My past and future fears may be strapped to my back, but I didn’t have to see it or feel it. Battling those inner demons that crept beneath the surface, hid in dark corners or boldly danced in broad daylight was a solitary fight.  There’s comfort in knowing, I’m not the only one waging war. I won’t let them intrude upon us. I recalled a quote by Mignon McLaughlin. “We welcome passion, for our mind is briefly let off duty.” I needed to escape too.

The satin sheet barely covered us.  I closed my eyes to allow my imagination free reign before I pulled back the sheet letting the cold air of the early morning kiss Bruce’s naked body.

I turned toward him moved by my subconscious mind and a passion I didn’t fully comprehend. These emotions were all new to me. My fingers traced the length of his back. Downward they spiraled to the soft fullness of his gluteus maximus. I pinched him. He opened his eyes, smiled at me and wiggled away from my wicked fingers. I caressed his chest in slow, circular movements as my fingers continued their path down his body, insistent on my touch.

My eagerness showed as my breath escaped. I’m pleased to see a smile light Bruce’s handsome face. His lips parted, a soft sigh escaped into the air. The rise and fall of his chest quickened as my fingers continued their warm massage upward. I grazed his forehead with my lips pausing to breathe in the scent of his silky silver hair. I massaged his temples as his head moved back and forth with my fingers. I played lightly with his lips. His tongue reached out to tease my fingers. I inhaled sharply as he nuzzled each finger firmly.

I reached for him, a longing I cannot deny. Slowly I climbed upon his body feeling his hardness close the void. I arched my back slightly upward allowing him entrance. Cupping the softness of his face, I was lost in his glazed hazel eyes, but the doctor’s words darkened the moment. Not now. I struggled to focus on us.

‘Exquisite’ I thought as our bodies found a demonic rhythm. Our passions ignited eclipsed the fiery sunrise. Bruce’s strong hands grasped my patootie pulling downward. He wanted control. I smiled, knowing he’s not used to me being assertive but I resisted. I needed to set the pace and burn like the sun. Would nature allow him to answer my desire repeatedly until my thirst for his essence was slaked?  We were quickly slain by my carnal efforts. He looked fantastic as his face contorted in the throes of impending orgasm. A low moan escaped; his eyes closed tightly as if seeing anything would break his concentration. He screamed as my teeth tormented him with each sharp nibble. I smirked as his face smoothed to a glow that signified ecstasy complete. I placed my head on his shoulder before I rolled back on the bed and stole a glimpse of the sky’s glorious colors.  The star I reached for was closer than I thought as we laid feeling the warmth of each other basking in the joy of being together. In the arithmetic of passion, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing but longing. The sun made our naked bodies glisten, Poe’s right the best things in life make us sweaty.  I glanced at his smiling face, and a tear spilled forth as I remembered what lies ahead. The truth was like the sun, you can shut it out briefly but it won’t go away. I can’t, I won’t think about that now.

 

NaNoWriMo update and migraine

I took a higher dosage of my prescribed medication so I could attempt to get back on track. Thankfully, I accomplished 29,702 words written with 20,298 to go. I have
59.4 % completed according to Writing.com’s calculator.

I saw Lisa made progress today. I’m happy for Carly she finished. We can do this Lisa.

I got an interesting message from my writing class instructor this afternoon that helped validate my insanity. “BTW I’ve just finished reading your chapters. Excellent!” He gave me an exclamation point, the man never does that. Raz always says save the exclamation point for the best possible moment and only use one in a book to make it damn good.

I’m off to bed, tomorrow I go to Philadelphia to get my Botox injections and to discuss with the doctor about changing my medicines so I have relief longer than a week. This is the third month in a row where the nerve block hasn’t lasted longer than a few days. There has got to be something different to try.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” ~ Bob Marley

 

Saturday update

NaNoWriMo day 18 , I should be at 30,006 but I’m at 26,661. Today, I just couldn’t get the words. I deleted more than I kept. Grrrr.

A serious lack of sleep didn’t help. Our Airbnb guests went out and returned at 3:30am. They woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Then trying to get all my errands done before hubby leaves for Virginia Beach tomorrow added to the frustration. He works away during the week and won’t be home until Wednesday and then there’s Thanksgiving stuff needed. Never enough hours in a day. And if running around isn’t enough I have a migraine from hell going. My shots are on Monday I can’t wait. Life has a way of complicating the best intentions.

Purryl has wanted Mommy time so we’re writing this blog on the iPad together. Macavity isn’t happy she is taking so much of my time. Yup, we have jealousy going on between the two.

this is Purryl, she’s our 15 year gray tabby. She weighs 25 lbs. When she’s in your lap you know it.

Good night everyone, here’s to a new day and hopefully a huge writing day. 🤔

In a Chaotic Moment

In a Chaotic Moment ©
Leaves flutter wildly in the wind
The colors burst upon my soul
scattered thoughts defiantly pinned

The Soledad is an ancient Spanish stanza consisting of three eight-syllable lines with the first and third lines rhyming, as described and demonstrated in the following link: http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?/topic/1023-soledad/

More examples can be found here: http://www.rainbowcommunications.org/wordplay/forms/Soledad.pdf .

NaNoWriMo update

“The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.” ― Terry Pratchett
Making progress… Death and I by Lyn Crain
21,203 Words
28,797 To Go
42.4 % accomplished
I don’t know how people do it, my fingers ache at night, one wrist is screaming at me. I’m crazy and I’m loving every moment. I see my first draft as an elaborate outline, The editing process will be so much fun because I’m taking it from 3rd person to 1st person. My character is too strong to let someone else tell her story.
“Writing is a struggle against silence.” ― Carlos Fuentes
Mairin chose today to be silent. I was frustrated and ready to jump off a cliff when I decided to reach out and ask for help. Marcus answered the call and guided me away from the cliff. His advice was to get inside her head, make her angry to talk and she will. You’re good at pushing buttons … do it.
I wrote the doctors conversation with him being condescending bordering on bullying. I used a doctor from my previous life as my role model and how he treated me. I remembered the rage I felt and it helped because Mairin responded. She surprised me with the anger that came out on the page.
I’m lucky in some ways that other writers aren’t I have an awesome writing family. We bounce ideas and give each other honest feedback. Marcus, Victor, Sara, Debbie, Raz, Jeffrey and my hubby are awesome. If you’re struggling with your writing, I suggest joining a writing group or get involved in one online. Ask questions, and keep asking questions until you get what you need.

“You don’t know you exist until you see your name chiseled in stone or on the cover of your book.  That’s when you become immortalized.”~Lyn Crain

Laws, Economics and Violence

Burying one’s head in the sand doesn’t help either. People have to want change for it to happen which means getting involved, voting and taking responsibility for one’s actions.

CRAIN'S COMMENTS

Nothing in life is simple. Humans have been craving simplicity for longer than recorded e93ef18bacf9979b7c79d2ff00aa8404history exists. Thunder is a god going bowling? Nope. A god created the world in six days? Nope. Thor makes lightning with his hammer? Nope.

A deity doesn’t want people to eat pork? Nope. It’s trichinosis.

Humans crave simplicity because anything else takes work? That’s a possibility. Intense thinking is work.

Simplicity is a mirage.

Let’s take a policy example. The theory is that if everyone has guns, there will be fewer shootings because bad people will be afraid of getting shot. Nope, it doesn’t work that way.

St. Louis has lax gun laws and is the murder capital of the US. Civilians can carry a gun in a car in St. Louis without a permit. That’s illegal in Chicago, Detroit, New York and Baltimore — and St. Louis has a much higher murder rate than…

View original post 292 more words

Quote and NaNoWriMo update

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”~ Edgar Allen Poe

19,148 words thus far in Death and I, the story of Mairin, Bruce, and Death.

This weekend I wrote three found poems with snippets of the NY Times again. I had a great helper too. Macavity laid on the snippets and moved several which ended up being just what I needed. I used pieces of the different poems in my story with Mairin, too, so my cutting the newspaper became an exercise in creative thinking.

Phantom Threat

A family portrait for all humanity

blood, sweat, toil, and tears

unraveling racial hatred

prompts  crisis

in the darkest hours

of rivers and rituals

Happiness is for other people

those who stay

the once mediocre

seek some calm

apologize again

for them, it’s not discrimination

but

A war of words underway

The screaming just won’t stop

until

we seek our way to death.

*************************************************************************************

An enlightened friendship

when coffee brews a different spirit

in all its realness

speaks

Sweetness with a side of sarcasm.

*********************************************************

The metamorphosis

is an unwanted

brutal final indignity.

It penalizes what we had

in the

years of relying on what

no one knows.

The dots to greatness

remain unknown.

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Yup, he had a good idea. The coffee poem and the metamorphosis both improved with his help.

Motivational Quote and Me

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”
― Yoko Ono

A lady I knew in Maine, my rival when it came to Halloween decorations passed away unexpectedly yesterday. We’re the same age, and our children are the same ages. I was reminded how short our lives truly are.

I want to take a moment for the families in Texas whose world was turned upside down in a moment of violence. They are in our prayers. I don’t understand why anyone would do that to another human being.

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I’ve written 8650 words, monumental for me in 5 days. I was feeling overwhelmed with my character so I decided to take a mental health break. I made a Thanksgiving centerpiece wreath for our table. It went to together easy enough considering this is my very first attempt at making a wreath. (Yup, I followed a youtube video.) The glitter all over the floor was messy and everywhere with help from Macavity. Overall the project took just over two hours from start to finish and the result was very eye appealing.

The Mistletoe Murder
of
Philosophers and
Other Lovers
in what once
was a nation
now
A Gambler’s Anatomy
In this
City of Dreams
Where America Begins

Judge Not
The Whistler
The Man Who Chose
To Exile
Rogue Heroes
In the
March of the Lexicon

Surprise
Words on the Move
Cruel Beautiful World
It’s no longer
Seriously Sweet
When Music Was Life and Death

no
Escape Clause
to
The Wrong Side of Goodbye
in a Sleeping World
oh
The Mortifications
Bless Me
for I Will Sin©

Enjoy your Monday.  I need to go Mairin, Bruce and Death are calling.

A quote and scraps of today

 

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has been before.” —Albert Einstein

I wrote 3295 words this morning. I got up at 6am and sat writing until noon. I didn’t move except to refill my coffee and to use the bathroom. I decided that I better move around some I worked on taking down Halloween and putting up Thanksgiving. It’s disappointing to me how few decorations there are.

Outside the house, all signs of Halloween have disappeared for another year. Hopefully, we will be living somewhere new by the time Halloween rolls around again. I’m looking forward to next the adventure. I put the scarecrows and the turkey by the front door. I hung a turkey on the storm door. The living room is packed up but that’s as far as I went today.

I decided to have raw veggies, some pepperoni and a cup of tea for dinner and work on the edits Raz sent back. I finished that and decided to work on some more writing. I lost all track of time, missed Grey’s Anatomy again. 😦 but I did churn out 3000 more words.

I haven’t re-read what I wrote yet. I’m happy with calling it a night. I’ll edit tomorrow. I just want to be ahead so I can some quality time with my husband.

I even started a crazy poem today that I’m going to use in my story Death and I

I toss another swig back

 feel my lips pucker and eyes bulge.

 I know there’s mascara streaks

 running down my face.

It hardly matters now.

I wish I’d known love

was cruel before

It played me like a fool.

I’m always wiser

when it’s too late.

 So liquor is my new love of choice

I drink your memory away

My friends warn me

drinking is a problem

that it will be the death of me.

Will that even matter?

who knew salvation’s possible

a sip at a time

 til bottle’s empty.©