I’ve found myself studying the clock… 3 hours until NaNoWriMo officially begins. Do I go to bed and begin when I rise or do I watch the clock count down and jump in as soon as the clock strikes 12:01am. There are 720 hours or 43, 200 minutes in the month of November. I need to write 1667 words a day or 6.5 pages to meet this goal. I know it’s a do-able goal and there are many successful authors who have done it.

Then I look at myself in the mirror and question my sanity.  Then… that dang muse of mine reminds that looking for sanity at this point in my life is hilarious. I haven’t needed it thus far, why do I want it now. Okay, I’ll give my wise-ass muse that point.

The truth of the matter is I really am a driven person, I hate failing. I hate not accomplishing a goal when I set one.  However, I wasn’t always like this. There was a point in my life when fear crippled me. Charlotte Eriksson wrote this quote and it summed how I felt for years until I became friends with Vic.

“I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I wouldn’t be scared anymore. Because my whole life I’ve been so damn scared. Scared to live because I was scared to death. But at the same I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live.”

He’s patiently encouraged me, stood beside me when I needed strength and laughed with me when I realized that I was truly my own worst enemy. He’s my best friend, my lover and my husband. Today is our 9th wedding anniversary, yes we married on Halloween. He is my biggest champion when it comes to writing. I am truly blessed to have his support on this writing adventure in November. I also know that he will help me stay sane and keep me from losing it if I get stuck.

The key I’ve been told is to write and to do it every day. The words will come and in the end, regardless of the word count success will follow.  I need to remember that the real goal is to write, let that happen and not fixate on 50,000. Don’t fall prey to the double edge sword that breaks so many writer’s dreams.

“The Sun will rise and set regardless. What we choose to do with the light while it’s here is up to us. Journey wisely.”
― Alexandra Elle

I love you, Victor Crain. Thank you for being my best friend and my soul mate.