letter-c day 41

I wasn’t going to let letter-c creep into my mind today. It’s been 365 days since Johhny was stolen from us all.  Just so we understand each other, cancer you’re nothing more than inconvenience in the grand scheme. It’s not like I’ll let cancer have the power to end my life. My goal is to be a centaurion. I will not settle for anything less. I’ve beeen molested, beaten by parents, beaten by my first husband, verbally abused, and heartbroken with the loss of my grandchildren,   Cancer, nothing you can do to me will ever hurt as much as losing my grandbabies.

Samantha (2005) , Logan, (2008) and Johnny (2019) No one should ever have to bury their babies. No mom should ever see her babies make funeral arrangements for their babies.

My song today is the song played at Johnny’s funeral. He realy liked this song.

 

Me…  I HATE IT!

It hurts too much.

 

I hope you find everything you need Johnny where you are.

 

 

 

 

Haiku Evolution

Perfection dismissed

Seeking new aspirations

Funerals in myth©️

My two haikus today evolved…

Invited to die

Depths by determined inches

Only stagnation ©️

…………….

Invited to die

Death by determined inches

Funerals in myth ©️

Life at its core

I tried to process my grief in poetry. It was easier at first with haikus. I couldn’t focus on anything. All I saw was my baby crumbling because his baby, his precious son was dead. There’s no greater anguish in life as a Mom than not being able to protect your child from unbearable pain. I tucked my own pain away until I could process it as I do best in poetry.

 

Magnitudes beyond

Dismantled ruminations

Tickled pink sorrow

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Corpulent spirals

Reverberated silent

Rapturous horrors

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Quietus be damned

Soporific prophecy

Accolades revoked

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A blooming life

It is not a sweet budding rose

Or blooms oozing blood

It is not petals of withered love

Or stifled blooms gasping

It is not a mere passage

Or cracks of blooming suspense

It is not a promised bouquet

Or a requiem symbolizing regrowth

It is not a forever perennial

Or a blooming happy ever after fairy tale

But it is our budding rosy story

Filled with daily anguished decay.

 

October 15, 2005-July 1, 2019

We love you ❤️

 

Rapturous visions

Suspended revelations

Accolades denied

 

Love, Gramma and Grandpa

 

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/skowhegan-me/john-hovey-8768501