Me, Myself and I
Sought a new direction yet
unable to conquer our fears
because those haunting fragile songs
from our bewildered youth
defy all whimsical promise
love exists.
Those seductive lyrics linger
like decrepit dust
coating passionate shudders
embracing our woeful remorse.
We’re tossed into a sea of uncertainty
or insanity
because love rendered us fearful
with knotty nightmares
that only the wild things answered
with masses of memories
suppressed into life’s book.
An alleged illumination
filled with earth born eruptions
as the wars waged into
composed silent paths
with declarative signs.
Paradise denied
Me, Myself, and I frozen
in shackled lurid pages
always the same in our storied land of woe.
Today’s prompt was moan and of course my dark maybe a bit sarcastic humor kicked in with another unusual limerick. 9/9/6/6/9 is the required syllable with a rhyme pattern of aabba.
Did you say you overheard her moan
or was it a marginalized groan
to eclipse her pleasure
women like to measure
let’s face it some men are prone to drone
Come on face it, we’ve all had interesting experiences with men and women where you’re truly not sure if it’s real or memorex when it comes to sex.
It’s just a peachy day, I’m trying to rob Peter to pay Paul again. Cash flow as an insurance agent during this COVID crap is challenging. People are hesitant to spend money because of their own financial insecurity, which I totally get but that also impacts our financial security. Mortgage companies want to be paid regardless. Some companies are a bit more accommodating but ours isn’t. I’m in the mindset now, just give them the fucking house. Stress is the last thing I need with cancer looming over me. My husband is trying, truly he is but the reality check is this house is too expensive with this fucked up economy. It has been for a while but I was scared to make changes. Now, I just want the weight of the world gone and I’m reminded of a conversation with my grandpa. I had made a snarky remark about his camp… He said, looks don’t matter girlie, I have everything I need because I have love. We have love just not the money to fix the house so we sell at a price to cover the mortgage. Grandpa was right, looks out on the outside are very deceiving. All the pretty houses on the outside have skeletons and they cost a lot more than my shack. Grandpa said some day I would know what he meant and everything else will eventually come together. I know there are many people like us struggling to meet their expenses so we’re at least in good company.
Which brings me to my song choice today, one I actually heard on Free Fallin’s blog but it feels perfect. Here’s the link if you want to read her response about Dorothy’s Ain’t Our Time to Die. Thank you for highlighting this song, I wasn’t familiar with this artist or song. I’ve added her to my playlist.
“I’ve been obsessed
Seducing your mind
With all my inner demons
To prove that I’m fine
You’ve got to believe, baby (you’ve got to believe)
You’ve got to believe, (you’ve got to believe) baby
You’ve got to believe, baby (you’ve got to believe)
You’ve got to believe me, baby (you’ve got to believe)
It ain’t our time to die, oh whoa
It ain’t our time to die, ah ah
I talk to myself, ah ha
And it always sounds sweet
Ah, gaught up in the violence
It’s no good
And it rapes everything, oh
You’ve got to believe, baby (you’ve got to believe) yeah yeah
You’ve got to believe, (you’ve got to believe) baby
(You’ve got to believe)
You’ve got to believe me, baby (you’ve got to believe) oh oh
You’ve got to believe, (you’ve got to believe) baby
It ain’t our time to die
‘Cause when a heart
Gets warmer with wine, hm
Got mountains to move
So this better be, the last time
I’ve been bitter and angry, yeah
Can’t be like everyone else
So I hang on, hang on, to the bottom
‘Cause I go down, I go down by myself, no
You’ve got to believe, baby (you’ve got to believe)
You’ve got to believe, (you’ve got to believe) baby
You’ve got to believe me baby, (you’ve got to believe) yeah
You can believe me, baby (you’ve got to believe)
It ain’t our time to die, oh whoa
It ain’t our time to die, -ie
It ain’t our time to die
No, it ain’t our time to die, ah ah ah
You’ve got to believe me baby, oh
It ain’t our time to die, oh ho
You’ve got to believe me baby, oh oh yeah
You’ve gotta believe me, mm hm”
No it ain’t my time either. I have a lot to accomplish yet. I’ve got mountains to move. So what if living in my stone fortress isn’t in the cards any longer. I’ve enjoyed 16 years living here but now my situation comes down to the quote I saw about the three c’s. I believe that was on Enlightenedmind622’s blog. Yes, I do read my fellow blogger’s post. Choice, chance and change. Everywhere I look the signs are clear. C’s seem to be ruling my life. I’m not like everyone else. I’m just me, blessed to love and to be loved. Vic and I can be together anywhere.
if you want anything in life to change.” ~ Unknown
Writer’s Connection:
Tonight’s our Wednesday night Critique group. I’m looking forward to hearing my fellow writers work but , yeah there’s always a but… Marcus and Victor both have work obligations so they’ll be missing in action. They bring an energy to the group that I can’t.
Culinary and Cancer tools:
I made a pasta dish with mushrooms, tomatoes, clams, kale and summer squash. It’s very tasty but unfortunately it gave the hubby and I both heart burn. I’m not sure what set that off because we’ve had it before. I didn’t put anything in we haven’t eaten before. So I’m inclined to think it’s triggered by stress more than the ingredients. Oh well, thank goodness for Prilosec. That helped.
Let me give you a couple more cancer fighting tools for your arsenal.
Mangoes are anti-inflammatory as well as being an antioxidant. The author of Cancer Fighting Kitchen says mango extract may help keep healthy cells from turning cancerous. That’s a score.
Maple Syrup, especially the grade A, dark amber is an antioxidant but did you know it allegedly helps with DNA repair. I didn’t know maple syrup was high in zinc either, did you. Another healthy bonus.
Cancer Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz and Mat Edelson.
PS. I don’t work for them, I was given the book and have found many good recipes in addition to some great cancer fighting information that I’m sharing with you.
Thinking about the changes ahead of us today. I wasn’t ready before. I believe I was holding onto the safety of my stone fortress for the wrong reason. The past can’t hurt me anymore so I don’t need the actual stones. I am a strong woman… I’m blessed with a husband and many good friends who remind me when I doubt myself.
A flower demonstrated
life’s small victories
with its unassuming
green slivers on the
I often write poetry when I am mulling or feel like a solution is close but I just can’t put my finger on it. This decision is actually easier once I let myself consider the possibilities like my flower in the poem I wrote. It wouldn’t be painless but then in reality the things we appreciate most aren’t easy or straightforward or even uncomplicated. The conclusion is what makes it worth it.
Cooking:
Today’s cooking indulgence and some more culinary Tools for our continued war with the letter-c. We’re having pasta with fresh basil from the garden and lemon grilled basil chicken. I was surprised how well it fared in the summer heat so I have an abundance of it right now.
I did the third method with pulsing it with oil but I didn’t put it in ice cubes trays. I put tablespoons on a cookie sheet and flash froze it. Tomorrow, or later tonight if I feel ambitious, I’ll toss it into a zip lock bag. That way I’ll always have the exact portion correct.
Cancer toolkit
Fennel is a digestive aid as well as being anti-inflammatory.
Flax Seeds and Chia Seeds are anti-inflammatory. Flax and Chia seeds are high in omega-3 fatty acid which is good for us. I toss both on yogurt, on our salads, and in muffins.
Garlic is anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial and antibacterial. I don’t know about you but I love garlic. I added extra when I made the pesto tonight, it called for two cloves and I used five. 🙂
Stevie Nicks wrote the song Landslide and performed it but my favorite versions were actually by Fleetwood Mac and the Dixie Chicks. I feel this song sums my life in so many ways because I was scared to leave my babies alone with their father especially during his heavy drinking days. I became a buffer so they didn’t get the brunt of his actions.
“Life is beautifully tragic.
Giving it up isn’t the hard part; it’s the living part that everyone struggles with.”
― Allison Blanchard
Once my children had all left home I realized it was now or never. I needed to live the seasons of my own life. I have. At 45, single, in college and learning to be self-sufficient. Some decisions, I made were good and some not so much but that’s life in a nutshell. I needed to try. I needed to find out who Lyn was. Not just be someone’s wife, someone’s mother, or even someone’s friend. I’m still discovering who Lyn is, just when I think I know myself , things happen and I learn something new. At 64, the life lessons are interesting and challenging at times but I know everything will work out. I’m reminded of a quote by Carroll Bryant “No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it.”
“I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm
Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too
Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too
I’m gettin’ older, too
Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down”
“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.”
― George Santayana
I shared two of my vignettes last night in the writing group. They were in the first draft stage. I wasn’t disappointed with the critiques, my fellow writers offered some good suggestions to help clean the writing up. I’m actually pleased to have six thousand words written thus far. That’s not counting my blogs here and on WDC. YAY!
Typically I end with my song choice for today but… Humans are not intended to be caged, we tend not to behave well. But out of respect I will not take this conversation further because once you put it out there, it never goes away. Instead, let’s talk about these amazing guitar players, BB. King. Eric Clapton, Robert Cray, and Jimmie Vaughn instead of what’s really behind my song choice. I’m sure you’re familiar with the adage Silence is Golden.
“The thrill is gone
The thrill is gone away
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong baby
And you’ll be sorry someday” ~ BB King
BB King recorded his version of the Thrill is Gone in 1969. I was a teenager just beginning to appreciate good music when I discovered BB. When it hit the charts it rose to number 3 on Billboard’s Hot 100, and became his popular hit of his career. It received a Grammy in 1998. I still love this song.
“I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you”~ Eric Clapton
Eric Clapton’s You Look Wonderful Tonight is my favorite although he’s probably more known for his I Shot the Sheriff. Clapton is ranked 2nd in Rolling Stone’s top guitarist. Here I tend to lean toward Bob Marley’s version more than Clapton’s cover version. I guess it depends if you like reggae straight or with a touch of soft rock. I remember seeing an interview where Marley said he changed the lyrics from I shot the police to I shot the sheriff to keep the radio stations happy.
“I get a constant busy signal
When I call you on the phone
I get a strong, uneasy feeling
You’re not sitting there alone
I’m having nasty, nasty visions
And baby you’re in every one, yeah
And I’m so afraid I’m gonna find you with
A so-called smoking gun”~ Robert Cray
Robert Cray’s Smoking Gun hit number 2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in 1986. I simply fell in love with how he played the guitar more than the words to the song though there were times I wondered how I would feel if he was holding that smoking gun. 1986 was during the dark days of my first marriage, he accused me constantly of every thing under the sun. Cray performed as an opening act for Clapton in his early days and in his later days played guitar on a few of Clapton’s releases. I didn’t agree with the Rolling Stone’s snub for top 100 guitarist.
“Dengue woman
Stay away from me
Dengue woman
Stay away from me
You got your fever and your rash
Over me
That’s why
Everyday you bring me misery
Everyday you give me misery
I think about jumpin’
Jumpin’ in the deep blue see”~ Jimmie Vaughn
Jimmie Vaughn had the pleasure of opening for Jimi Hendrix. My first exposure to him was actually in the movie Blue Brothers 2000 where he played one of the fictional Louisana Gator Boys with BB King. I like his guitar skills, his political inclinations with Ron Paul not so much. Putting his political stupidity aside I still enjoy Dengue Woman. I love the sound of the guitar. Jimmie’s brother Stevie made the Rolling Stone’s list for guitarist before he was killed in a helicopter crash.
My friend Jeanne sent me a picture of a mojito this afternoon in a text. AH, now that sounds perfect for today. Aggravating the pancreas… is a negative, numbing the migraine is a positive. Bonus, if I drink enough I’ll numb all the other aggravation.
Doesn’t the mint and lime look good together. I love being able to pick fresh mint and adding it to water as well as to mojito’s. I’m so lucky it is growing so profusely in my rail planter.
Cancer Culinary toolkit:
Mint is a digestive aid, and it is antimicrobial as well as being rich in Vitamin c and beta-carotene.
Writing Today:
I’ve written a poetic response to a Stream of Consciousness prompt and another poetic response to a paint chip prompt in addition to reworking this poem that I originally wrote in 2017. Three poems today. Yay!
Lyn’s Last Journey Her name hangs by a string
dangling from her big toe
protruding from a dark box.
Her unfinished obituary
lies on the ancient desk
shrouded in dust.
No one remembers
when she was more than mortal
but her.
Oh, how her howls rushed through
the leaves of time. It was a lonely
journey being her, the social misfit
trapped and helpless facing failure.
She endured days of misery.
Lies, incompetence,
and cruelty were the norm.
in the turbulent times
until that fatal flawed moment.
She never saw her end being
a mere string with a hand gripping
the gloomy box that holds what’s left
of her…Lyn, a figment in her own mind.
Dear Johnny,
Zac finished first yesterday with your name tribute on the hood leading the way. Zac said Where to begin! Last night was a blast!! Had an awesome battle with Kyle Robinson in the feature, in the end we came home in First! Thank you so much to everyone who helps! I watched Kim’s video feed of the race last night.
CJ had a lobster sandwich and red hot dogs at a place called a Bite of Maine in Virginia Beach for his 16th birthday dinner. He never had the opportunity to take them from the trap fresh and pop in the steaming pot like you. And those red hot dogs we’re so familiar with in Maine aren’t available here in Jersey either.
Gramma misses you.
Garden update:
I checked the garden out, phew the veggies fared really well. I did have to drain a few of the pots of the excess water but overall things went well. It’s 93 degrees here so it won’t take long to dry things back out but at least everything got a thorough rinsing. Husky 100’s, cucumbers and beans, and the zucchini all looking healthy. The husky 100 plant is almost taller than me. ( the middle circle) Crazy how big it got.
Yesterday blogging didn’t happen because my migraine spiked really bad . The impending storm probably added to the pressure my head was feeling. Staring at a computer wasn’t in the picture with the auras. So much for setting a new record. Oh well. It is what it is.
Garden:
I secured my tomato cages and trellises before Tropical Fay visited New Jersey. I took some pictures of my flower beds before the storm arrived. It was a good thing I did because the wind broke four of my gladiolus, snapped the yellow lily and the white lily and splayed my rose bush knocking lots of blossoms off the bush.
Thankfully, my veggies fared better.
Reading:
I read one of Ray Bradbury’s short stories Cat Pajama’s out loud to Macavity. He wanted to curl up in my lap while the wind was whipping and the rain slamming against the glass. I think the storm was upsetting my fur baby. It reminded me of the last time I read Cat’s Pajama’s. My granddaughters were down from Maine visiting with us. Grandma and Grandpa took turns reading to them before bedtime. Cat’s Pajama was a hit even with the age difference. The older granddaughter thought she was too old for bedtime stories.
Veggie Burgers:
Two cans of garbanzo beans (chick peas) drained and rinsed I mashed them but you can toss in food processor
1/2 green pepper finely chopped
1/2 yellow onion finely chopped
1 carrot shredded
1 yellow squash scoop out seeds and then finely diced
4 whole mushrooms finely diced
3 cloves of garlic diced
1 egg
2 tbsp of olive oil
2 tbsp of tahini
1 tbsp of black pepper
2 tbsp of Italian seasoning
1 tsp of salt
Mix together, put in fridge for an hour or longer for flavors to blend. Makes 8 patties.
Shape into patties bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes and then turn and bake final 10 minutes.
I had Swiss chard ready in the garden so I chopped it up and tossed it in. You can add cilantro to this recipe as well but I didn’t have any so I skipped it this time.
They came out awesome. Vic did a lot of complaining, swears I’m trying to kill with veggies.
Culinary tool kit against cancer:
Chick peas are anti-inflammatory as well as being loaded with protein. Their high fiber helps flush toxins from our body.
Chocolate is anti-inflammatory and it has four times the anti-oxidants found in tea.
Cilantro and coriander is a digestive aid, as well as an anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial and anti-bacterial. Cilantro is helpful for anxiety. Unfortunately, I have lots of that lately.
Birthday and a Dark Memory
CJ is sixteen today. He’s my oldest grandson. I wish we could go to see him in Virginia but that’s not in the game plan with COVID-19 and my health. This is the second year in a row we haven’t been able to get together. Last year on CJ’s birthday we were inside a church for Johnny’s service in Skowhegan, Maine.
There were two songs played during his service. One song was by Brad Paisley, When I Get There and the other song was by Band Perry, If I Die Young.
CJ complained about how grownups don’t really hear. Johnny said, the same thing about grownups. They don’t listen. One of the lines in the song, is funny how people start listening when you’re dead. Did I listen enough? I’ve wondered that a lot in this past year. If nothing else I hope you never ask that question of yourself. Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.
“A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead… how people start listenin’ “~ Band Perry
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napolean Bonaparte
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
I started reading Queenie by Candice Carty- Williams today. Very relatable writing style. I typically prefer the classics but this spring I’ve read five contemporary authors. I think every author needs to fine tune their skill set by expanding their minds in directions they don’t normally dwell. My favorite genres are history and biographical and how to. I’ve added mystery and young adult into the mix.
Crocheting:
I’ve begun the first stripe on my sweater. The colors are working well together for me. The lower band is rose and the body is magenta with three thin rose stripes to tie the colors together. I’m liking the way it is coming together in the cotton yarn.
Tonight, was my weekly writing group meeting on zoom so I grabbed turkey noodle soup with carrots and peas out of the freezer for dinner. Sometimes, you just need comfort food and soup is definitely that.
Culinary tool kit”
Adding some more tools to your cancer fighting toolbox.
Cherries are anti-inflammatory and they look really good in the super markets right now.
Chicken has an interesting role because it is a possible metal detoxifer as well as being an anti-oxidant. Organic chicken is an awesome source of niacin and selenium according to Rebecca Katz although recent articles debate the benefit of eating chicken. This is one I would say use personal judgement on because there’s still so many outliers.
My song choice for today is When You Say Nothing at All by Keith Whitley. Yes, there are moments when silence is the best way to decompress which I needed more than anything. The conversations I did have today were enjoyable. Thanks Marcus and Char, you made today much easier.
Vic and I played cribbage with our usual bantering. Our simple exchanges bring me joy, especially when he gives me one of his mischievous smiles. Macavity and Yeats both gave me the best snuggles ever.
I worked awhile on the vignettes but became frustrated so I decided to work on a poem. It’s still a work in progress and without a title.
lyncrain 