My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son of a bitch.
But then she never made the connection when I called her Mother Dearest either. There are people who are nurturing and loving that you can easily imagine as parents. Then there was mine.
Alcoholic, abusive and on a self destruct course that damaged each of us. They lived up to the other one liner I’ll share today … If God is watching, let’s be entertaining.
This one I can’t go with just one movie here I’m torn between three movies. You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally and the Notebook. All of the three had parallels in my life that gave me things to consider.
I’ll begin with Notebook and then go with both of Meg Ryan’s movies. I cried my eyes out with Notebook for several reasons. One, I just had begun dating after being in a abusive marriage. I didn’t know how special love could be, and after seeing the interaction I hoped I would be loved liked that. I had concerns too about our dating because Vic lived in the city and I was definitely a country girl from Maine. What did I know about life in a city or the corporate world. So I could relate to the social issues of the movie as well. The second reason was because my grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was like reliving the experience.
When Harry Met Sally, it made me laugh, cry and shake my head at times. I was fortunate to have friends of both genders and yes, there were times if I wondered if sex would ruin it too, like they did. I didn’t tempt fate until Vic and even then I worried that our friendship would suffer. I’m so glad, it didn’t and even happier we’re still best friends as well as husband and wife. Friendship is so important in a relationship, it can’t just be about sex.
You’ve Got Mail reminds me so much of Vic and my beginning. We met in a chat room on yahoo. We were both in a writing group. He downloaded one of my stories and edited it with revision tracking and sent it back to me with a note offering to help me with my writing. Initially, I was furious. Very much like our characters Joe and Kathleen in the story. Their conversations in the chat grew into so much more just like Vic and mine.
It’s hard to believe two months have passed since the doctor said malignant cells. I did learn the location of the malignant cells are not in my pancreas but in my bile duct. The MRI confirmed no mass yet. Phew! You know the old adage but things moving slower than molasses. Well, not exactly… I know the first oncologist I didn’t like. I haven’t met the second one yet but that is in the works. I do have three more diagnostics coming up in two and a half weeks so I do need to get the second doctor in place because it will matter who has privity to my results going forward.
“Time passes way too slow when you’re waiting for the unknown” ~ Donna Van Liere
Have you really thought about all the things in life we actually wait for without thinking… like the rain to stop, the sun to rise or set, meals, traffic, airlines, grocery lines. Nor should we forget the bigger things like waiting to grow up, to marry, to divorce,…. to die. We’re accustomed to waiting. Sometimes we do it well and others not so well. Me, I’m an impatient creature, always have been. You would chuckle if you knew how many times in my life I’ve been told patience is a virtue. I’m not virtuous :).
Authors Connection:
Steering the Craft by Ursula Le Guin had an exercise in the chapter I was reading that I found interesting to try. She asked that the reader write a paragraph of narrative approximately 150 words. That’s not hard but the rest of the instructions changed the complexity of the exercise. Every sentence has to have a noun and verb but it can only be six or seven words long. Talk about choppy communication. Yuck! The next part of the exercise was more challenging for me. It required writing one sentence that is the same amount of words as the first part of the instructions. I felt like I couldn’t breathe reading it out loud. Initially, I found myself writing short words in the short sentences and longer words in the longer sentence. I did this unconsciously.
Her point was short sentences don’t need short words nor do long sentences need long words. They each serve a purpose in writing because every sentence has a rhythm, which is also a part of the rhythm of the whole piece. Short sentences can be effective in the right place. Nor should a writer fall for the myth that short sentences are more like how we speak. Longer sentences offer complex syntax that sets up the pacing. Is there one ideal length? No, there’s not. It’s important to have variety and purpose for each length.
I enjoy doing the exercises offered whenever I read a how to book because I feel it enhances my reading comprehension and retention. Anyway, it was a fun exercise because it helped me look closer at my sentences in my vignettes. Yes, old dogs can learn new tricks.
I signed up for this thing I get everyday in my email called Wordnik and it presents a new word everyday with the meaning, and examples of how it is used. Today’s word is privity and I’ve cut and paste so you can see what actually comes in the email.
5. noun Private knowledge; joint knowledge with another of a private concern, which is often supposed to imply consent or concurrence. from The Century Dictionary.
For example, a bailbondsman who acts as a bounty hunter vis a client who skipped jail is not considered a state actor and is not subject any of the provisions of constitutional criminal procedure that would otherwise apply, nor is someone working for a bounty to apprehend a criminal at large with whom the bounty hunter is not in privity, nor it the repo man (even if acting pursuant to a court order obtained in advance authorizing the seizure). The Volokh Conspiracy » Where’s the State Action in Tort Awards Based on Speech?
Metro PCS argued that there was no evidence that the handsets it reflashed were from people in privity with Virgin, rather than from people who’d already bought the handsets on the secondary market. Flash forward: cellphone lawsuit continues
As for privity, the court found that Florida law was a “moving target,” filled with inconsistencies, and there’s no settled rule for whether privity is required to recover economic losses for breach of express warranty. Archive 2009-10-01
The first important idea was the notion of privity, which meant that you only could sue someone who directly affected you. Markets and Majorities
Often has the serpent lain hid beneath the coloured grass, under a beauliful aspect, and often has the evil inclination affected a sale without the husband’s privity. Anatomy of Melancholy
He accused her of intentional privity as to a secret which it behooved him to know, and of being a party to that secrecy. The Duke’s Children
So for the present a breach was made between Master Jeremy and myself, which to me seemed no great loss, inasmuch as it relieved me from any privity to his dealings, for which I had small liking. Lorna Doone
But I gave him clearly to understand that he was not to be vexed with me, neither to regard me as in any way dishonest, if I should use for my own purpose, or for the benefit of my friends, any part of the knowledge and privity thus enforced upon me. Lorna Doone
But this acknowledgment was made without the privity of his wife, whose vicious aversion he was obliged, in appearance, to adopt. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle
The word ‘privity’ comes from an Old French word meaning ‘intimacy’.
I am always looking for different words to use and thus far the word choices have been interesting. I even used privity in this entry today. ”
My song choice for today is Draggin the Line by Tommy James. There’s something to be said for peace of mind. We all give and take every day, sometimes we sacrifice the good times to just get by. Vic and I have been doing that a lot lately like a lot of other people. Money is extemely tight and our struggle is real, having fun with that weight hanging over us is difficult… actually impossible. I know it weighs heavily on Vic. But for me, I’m just grateful to have every day with my family and friends. I count those blessings every moment with this dang letter c looming. I can’t think about going out and having fun right now. I’m thinking about time… how much do I really have but then I scold myself because any one of us could die tomorrow. Life is what it is.
I am working on the virtual blogging challenge in WDC, the distraction is good for me. I’ve been compiling all the location information and putting an itinerary together is interesting and I’m looking forward to doing it with everyone.
Making a living the old, hard way.
Taking and giving my day by day.
I dig the snow and the rain and the bright sunshine.
I’m draggin’ the line (draggin’ the line).
My dog Sam eats purple flowers.
We ain’t got much, but what we’ve got’s ours.
We dig snow and the rain and the bright sunshine.
Draggin’ the line (draggin the line).
I feel fine.
I’m talking about peace of mind.
I’m gonna take my time.
I’m getting to good times.
Draggin’ the line (draggin the line).
Loving a free and feeling spirit.
Hugging a tree when you get near it.
Digging the snow and the rain and the bright sunshine.
I’m draggin’ the line (draggin the line).
Draggin’ the line (draggin’ the line).
I feel fine.
I’m talking about peace of mind.
I’m gonna take my time.
I’m getting to good times.
Draggin’ the line (draggin the line).
A movie/film that scared me was the Exorcist. I saw it at the drive-in with my date for the evening. He brought me back to the trailer where I resided alone. Every sound outside seemed intensified as I tried to sleep. I couldn’t/ didn’t sleep. The movie seemed to be on replay over and over because at the time I was personally questioning my own faith as many sixteen year olds do.
I thought the characters gave an exceptional performance especially Linda Blair as Regan. It was novel at the time to see everything through the protagonist’s eyes. To me it felt like we were even closer seeing it that way.
I didn’t know at the time,the movie was based on a novel by William Peter Blatty, who had in turn based his novel on a real-life exorcism in 1949 of a boy (‘Roland Doe’, about fourteen years old at the time) who allegedly was possessed of a demon. I wasn’t familiar with exorcisms until after I had seen the movie and then read the book. I was fascinated and terrified that it could happen. If you’re curious, this is a really good analysis of the movie.
I find the music comforting now even though the movie upset me watching it. When I began writing about the darker times in my life this soundtrack was helpful for my muse.
Do you ever think about the things you’re grateful for? I made a mental list this morning while lying in bed with my boys, Macavity and Yeatsie and my hubby. It’s not very often that Macavity lets Yeatise join us on the bed. He’s a stinker.
I’m grateful:
for a house to clean because I have a place to live.
for laundry to do because I have clothes to wear
for dirty dishes because I had food to eat
for the crumbs on the floor because we enjoyed our food together
for toilets to clean because we’re blessed with indoor plumbing.
for a phone because I can talk with my family and friends whenever.
for the cat hair floating in the air because I have fur babies to snuggle.
for aches and pains because I’m reminded I worked hard today.
for the music that fills my world with memories, and joy.
for today, because opportunity awaits. I’m walking a path of my own choosing and no one’s approval is needed.
Which reminds me of a song I hadn’t heard in some time. I was looking for Fabares’s song Picnic and this song followed after in the youtube feed. I chuckled because I too thought I’d sing and dance forever as I lived my life as I chose. Blissful ignorance.
Once upon a time there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours
And think of all the great things we would do
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
Then the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If by chance I’d see you in the tavern
We’d smile at one another and we’d say
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
Just tonight I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
Through the door there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh my friend we’re older but no wiser
For in our hearts the dreams are still the same
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la La la la la la la
Then we get a reality check. Work takes up more time than there are hours on the clock especially in today’s world where so much is being done virtually. Employers want you working every breathing second. There’s no such thing as a 9-5 schedule. The only escape is too shut the electronics off but as soon as you turn them back on… the to-do list grows.
Authors Connection:
Last night in our Sunday night short story discussion about Dahl’s Parson’s Pleasure. The story reminded me of my grandfather Jonah. He disliked parsons immensely. As far as he was concerned religious men were evil, it didn’t matter what their faith as because they would steal every cent a man made. In Parson’s Pleasure the man dressed as a parson to get into people’s homes so he could see what furniture they owned because he sold antiques. He didn’t disclose that part. He conned them as cheaply as he could of their heirlooms. The con game backfired in the end because in the story he wove with the three man at the farmhouse about a buffet was that the only valuable part was the feet. He got them to accept his offer and was on his way to get his car. He was chuckling to himself about all the money he was going to make on this priceless heirloom. What he didn’t account for was the farmer’s helpfulness. The farmer decided to make it easier for him to transport the piece by cutting the legs off because that’s the section of the furniture the parson really valued. The rest he chopped into firewood so it would be easier for him to transport since the parson indicated the poor quality of the buffet meant it was better used for firewood. The con man got what he deserved.
My grandfather would have laughed his ass off reading this amusing story from 1958. We were talking about Dahl’s work being in Esquire and Playboy when I shared my experience with Playboy. ( I have it written in a word document just haven’t pieced it in my vignettes yet but I’ll give you a quick summation.)
My grandfather lived in a primitive camp in Vermont. His water came from a spring above the camp on the hill. He ran pvc pipe down to a trough in the kitchen where it filled continuously and drained into a sink. He had trout living in the trough to keep it clean of algae. He put a toilet inside for nighttime use only because it was a bit of a trek to the outhouse. There wasn’t running water so it involved filling a bucket to empty to clear the waste matter that went initially back into the ground until my father put a septic tank in for him. My grandfather complained that it was a waste of money because he always did his number two business at work everyday. Like I said it was a primitive existence.
In the summer, we ( my siblings and me) stayed with my grandfather. We always used the outhouse because Grandpa made it quite clear the inside facility was for nighttime use only. We swam everyday so bathing wasn’t a priority but when it was we heated water on a stove and curtained the kitchen off so we could do the essentials by the huge sink and trough.
My grandfather lived alone all of my life and had some peculiarities that initially, I didn’t notice. The summer I became aware of them was just before I turned ten. A lot had happened to me prior to going to stay with him in the summer that I’m not going into at this time.
My grandfather never painted his walls, they were covered from ceiling to floor with Playboy centerfolds in the four rooms that made his home. I was very aware of the women’s exposed naked bodies. When my grandfather had left for work I got out our coloring supplies and encouraged my siblings to help me dress all the naked women. We covered every exposed breast, butt or vagina. We’re were so proud of our decorative clothing.
My grandfather on the other hand was furious. He ripped the pictures off the wall, cursing up a storm. My siblings and I quickly disappeared to the tent where we slept at night with some snacks because it didn’t look like dinner was an option.
Needless to say, we stayed out of his sight as much as possible to avoid another outburst.
It was an uncomfortable month until my mother arrived at the end of August to take us back to Connecticut. Sadly, we were grounded for destroying our grandfather’s art collection.
Art in one person’s eye can be devastating to another. For me at 10 years old, all it signified was a girl’s body didn’t really belong to her. Everything was about making boys happy regardless of how humiliating and painful it was. I was cursed to be a girl.
Thankfully, when arrived the next summer there were only pictures hanging in his bedroom. My mother promised we wouldn’t enter his personal space.
Sadly, my grandfather wasn’t one of the people that would say they read Playboy for the stories from authors like Dahl, Oates, Kerouac, Atwood, Le Guin, Fleming and Bradbury. His interest was sheer exploitation of the women.
“The occupational hazard of being a Playboy Bunny is the aching facial muscles brought on by obligatory smiles.” ― Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch
Culinary:
I’m going to enjoy something light for dinner this evening. We have some potato salad left and I think with that I’m going to toss a tossed salad together to go with it with some homemade biscuits. Hmm… rosemary, oregano and chives fresh picked added to some butter. Now, we’re talking., yummy.
Let’s add a couple more things to our cancer tool kit while we’re on the topic of food.
Lemons and limes are antimicrobial as well as being anti-inflammatory. I don’t know about you but I love drinking water with either slices of lemon or lime on a hot day. I happen to have both in my fridge.
“When life gives you lemons, say cool, what else you got?” ― Carmen in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I think on that note I’m going to make myself a glass with lemon and read for awhile. I haven’t finished the exercises in Le Guin’s Steering the Craft and I need to refresh my mind and get them done. Write… write… and write some more.
I could be left for hours in a garden. There’s nothing more satisfying physically or mentally than being in the moment with nature.I spend time in mine everyday, it’s a great way to enjoy my first coffee of the day while listening to the birds.
What Is In Your Fridge Right Now? (you’re not required to give a comprehensive list)
Veggies and more veggies, I’ve been picking kale, beet greens, peppers and zucchini this morning before the heat of the day. It’s going to be an excessively hot day. It was 81 degrees at 8:00 am and if the weather man is right by noon it will be 95 degrees. That’s rough on the plants in containers and in the ground.
If You Could Only Speak One Word Today, What Would It Be?
Smile. If only we all did because a smile makes all the difference in someone’s day. 🙂
Would You Rather Be Trapped In An Elevator Full Of Men With BO Or Three Soaked Dogs? (this is with the codicil that C-19 doesn’t exist)
Three wet dogs is more appealing to me. The men should know better. Personal hygiene and self awareness go hand in hand. I don’t expect animals to have that same awareness.
Jim says, “This week we have the food and cooking and eating related prompts of Baking/Bread/Cake/Pie/Picnic and hopefully this will fit for everyone. ”
I read a few of the responses posted before mine, Cherry Pie, Bread Fan, I Like Pie, I like Cake, Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain… all excellent choices. I decided to go with the feeling I remember when going on picnics, although I do discuss our favorite picnic foods. At my age, I’ve been on a quite a few. The best memories are with John, Chris, and Amanda, (my children) but I do have some special picnic date memories tucked away that reminded me of the song I chose by Fabares. Maybe in another post, I’ll discuss some of those memories.
Michele Ann Marie “Shelley” Fabares (born January 19, 1944) is an American actress and singer. In 1962 Fabares’ recording of “Johnny Angel” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 which was on the self titled album Shelley and the song Picnic joined the collection of songs included.
On a picnic morning without a warning
I looked at you and somehow I knew
On a day for singing,
My heart went winging
A picnic grove was our rendezvous
You and I in the sunshine
We strolled the fields amd farms
At the last light of evening,
I held you in my arms
So when days grow stormy
And lonely for me
I just recall picnic time and you.
written by George W. Duning
“Picnic Lyrics.” Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 19 Jul 2020. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/31093464/Shelley+Fabares>.
“Fabare’s teen-idol status came with her coming-of-age role as the ever-wholesome daughter “Mary Stone” on The Donna Reed Show (1958), a part she played for five seasons before embarking on a more grown-up film career. During the run of the classic sitcom, she and TV “brother” Paul Petersen grew so popular that they sprinted to adjoining pop singing celebrity, although both admitted that their vocal talents were limited. Shelley especially enjoyed a #1 Billboard hit with the breathy, sultry-edged “Johnny Angel”. The character of “Mary Stone” was gently phased out of the show as her character “left for college”.
By this time, Shelley had turned into quite a curvaceous stunner. Her acting mettle hardly tested, she managed to become part of the bikini-clad blonde set with top femme parts in such fun-and-frolic fare as Ride the Wild Surf (1964), Hold On! (1966), which was a vehicle for British singing sensation Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits, and three of Elvis Presley‘s less-acclaimed vehicles of the later 1960s: Girl Happy (1965), Spinout (1966) and Clambake (1967).
A serious Vietnam-era stream of consciousness began to pervade film audiences in the late 1960s and Shelley’s perky innocence that found so much favor during the Camelot years had lost its appeal. After a notoriously dry spell, she bounced back as the altruistic wife of a dying footballer “Brian Piccolo” in Brian’s Song (1971), opposite James Caan, and settled comfortably again on the small screen with bright co-star roles on the series The Brian Keith Show (1972), The Practice (1976), and Highcliffe Manor (1979). A more prickly character than usual, however, reared its head in the late-night soap spoof Forever Fernwood (1977), and this led to the equally malicious, vainglorious role of Bonnie Franklin‘s business competitor on the already-established hit sitcom One Day at a Time (1975). The show also featured her aunt Nanette Fabray as Franklin’s meddling mom. In the late 1980s, Shelley found a fleshier character as Craig T. Nelson‘s resourceful mate on Coach (1989), earning steady work for eight seasons and two Emmy nominations in the process. A return to film stardom, however, would eclipse her.” ~ https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001193/bio
As a pre-teen I watched all those bikini-clad movies with Elvis, Fabares, and Gidget. Did you know Sandra Dee, Sally Field, Cindy Carroll, and Deborah Walley each played Gidget. https://groovyhistory.com/the-many-faces-of-gidget
Dick Clark Five is where we tuned in to watch the new and upcoming musicians and the latest dance steps.
This song was shown on a Donna Reed episode while she was on the show before she moved over to the bikini clad movies. At the time, I thought she was so pretty.
Picnic memory from 40 years ago:
Amanda’s first picnic with us was in August, 1980 after I had the radical hysterectomy and before I was to begin the radiation/chemo treatment. Amanda was only two months old, Chris was three and John was five when my children’s father wanted to go up to Wyman Lake because it going to be a really hot day. (August in Maine is usually very warm, I never minded because our summers are so short.)
A little background about Wyman, it was a man-made lake on the Kennebec River in Bingham, Maine. There were houses along the river that were purchased then flooded after the construction began in Bingham, in 1928. It would be the largest dam in the eastern United States, promising far more power than Maine industries alone could consume. The lake was named after Walter Wyman, the electrical engineer who brought the project to its full capability.
The paper companies would use the river to float the logs down the river in carefully constructed channels built along the river. In 1973, the environmentalists finally won the battle to preserve the river’s ecology and forced the paper companies to haul wood by truck. After that bill passed, the towns created designated beach areas with picnic tables and restroom facilities. to better serve the communities. That’s how Wyman Lake became a popular family outing place.
Back to my picnic memory. Like every other picnic outing I would prepare either a potato or macaroni salad, barbecue chicken and make cookies for dessert the night before. I was exhausted but somehow I managed to get it done because there was no cooking allowed at the lake. Carry in, carry out is the norm for Maine’s water areas.
In the morning,we would toss everything into coolers, put the blankets, lawn chairs, a pop-up sunblocker, and the beach toys for the boys all into the car and off we’d go for the day. We arrived at Wyman at 10:00 in the morning so we would have the best location on the beach.
The cool part about Wyman was the shoreline, it’s shallow for quite a ways so the boys could play in the water without me having to worry. (That’s a left over from the log run days.) Amanda was too young to be in the water but she did seem to enjoy being on a blanket by the water while her brothers played and laughed. Maybe their joy was infectious because she stayed awake a lot on her first outing.
We had brought a small transistor radio with us and listened to oldies playing on the radio during our excursion together. The boys danced with me, and tried to sing along with their father and I. We slaughtered a lot of the songs but none of us cared. We were in the moment.
Why I’m reminded of that picnic in particular other than it being the first one for Amanda was because of her first physical interaction with her brother. Chris had broke a piece of his cookie off and offered it to Amanda. Her little fingers grasped his and his face lit up brighter than a harvest moon. I was relieved that Amanda was finally accepted by her brother after the initial rocky start. Neither one of the boys were happy about having a baby in the family, and worse it was a girl.
There’s more background to their resistance of having a sister but I don’t want to go into it today because it had a lot to do with their father. Today, I’m staying with the picnic memory and the joy of the day.
By the time we arrived back home, we had three very tired children who didn’t resist bedtime. This woman collapsed right after they did. The fresh air did wonders because Amanda slept through the night as well, so I was blessed a full night’s sleep.
We were able to enjoy a couple more picnic excursions that August before the letter-c intervened.
I’m feeling today with the temperatures going to be 100 degrees today a potato salad would be perfect, maybe on top of a bed of lettuce.