letter c day 78

A lot has been on my mind all the things, coming in every direction and it dawned on me.  Feelings are supposed to be tender because once they’ve become hard, they aren’t feeling anymore. I thought it was simply indifference driving me but it’s not.  I’ve shut myself down, again. Self preservation has value.  The week ahead is going to take all of my energy.

I’m choosing to focus on what’s important right now to keep my head in the right place. Then, I’ll begin the next steps of our journey. I ‘m actually emotionally ready for the move. There’s so many things for out there for Vic and I to enjoy.  I miss seeing him laugh. He’s stressed all the time. Reality is this house is sucking the life out of us. But trying to be the iron woman right now I can’t do, I know it’s gotten me through every other time but this time I’ve chosen a slightly different approach.

I’ve gone in every room and made a list of what’s going on Craig’s list and what will be included in the move. Organization I believe will make it easier in the bigger picture for us while we handle the letter-c.

It’s sad how many places are not accepting donations because of Covid 19.  Clothing doesn’t hold germs as long as hard surfaces so I don’t get why there refusing. Just when I was resigned to tossing good clothing into the trash, a card arrived in the mail from the Veteran’s. The clothing now has a new destination.

I was thinking about my song and I’m going back to my first song since I started documenting this letter-c. Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. There’s a distant ship on our horizon,one I believe with all my heart is the right thing even though I know there are aspects that aren’t perfect.  But then what is perfect?


If life was perfect than Johnny, Logan and Sammy would be here and not in heaven. Grandchildren aren’t supposed to die before their grandparents. There is nothing more devastating for a parent or a grandparent than losing a child. The pain and grief are indescribable, often leaving families shattered, in shock, and unable to process all the emotions that come with such a tragic event.

I remember when I lost my own baby a good friend said to me. She didn’t remember who said it. I looked it online and google said unknown. It doesn’t matter what matters is those precious babies aren’t here.

“An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book ‘too beautiful for earth”.    ~ unknown

There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world.   ~ unknown


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