Today’s word is “missing.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.


Missing You©
Heartache strikes at the oddest time.

I pulled weeds in the garden like the ones you gave me that day.

My heart clenched like back then, startled by the chime

But then I saw you holding a handpicked bouquet.

You looked so very proud, all covered in grime

but then life’s harsh realities stole you away.

                                   I wish my sadness didn’t taint all the gleeful times past
and I could laugh again,, oh how I miss those places.
Laughing back then, never thought it wouldn’t last.
The twinkling of the chimes used to bring a smile to our faces

                                   But now they remind me how much I miss you …. I feel like an outcast
                           every where I look are grandma’s holding their babies in embraces.


My birthday is a week away and Johnny was always so much a part of the celebration. My last birthday with him, he wanted to show me where the lobster boats come in. We’re climbing on rocks in the harbor because he said it was the only way to get to the point. I slipped and got soaking wet. He giggled. I splashed him but that didn’t faze him.

We meet his Dad who asks why am I all wet? I tell him that Johnny was showing me the point where the boats come in and I slipped in the water.

He looked at Johnny and asked why he didn’t take me up the road so I wouldn’t be all wet.

The little stinker shrugged and laughed. It was always like that between us, one practical joke after another. I would give anything for those moments again.                                




Elegy attempt # 2

Pained Reality©

I caught myself in the mirror, totally unaware

yet I hardly recognized this stranger staring back at me

In a glimpse showed I was in desperate need of repair

But my deeply installed manners say, don’t judge what I see.


Maybe if I blink, her image will vanish until tomorrow

And with that brief reprieve, that which struck her core

Will be undone and free her from such horrific sorrow.

And once again, there will be the woman impossible to ignore.


This Ellegy discusses what it’s like  being unable to grieve



EIF Poetry Challenge #4: The Elegy

When my grandson Johnny passed I wrote haiku’s and senryu’s as a way to relieve some of the frustration I felt with his loss. I hadn’t thought about trying other forms because these forms were very familiar. Some times you just need familiarity as well.


antics of a boy
invincible illusions
echo silently
reverberations define
manufactured martyrdom©

Like the Ode, the Elegy has its origins in Classical literature, where it was characterized by its elegiac metre (alternating lines of dactylic …

What Poetic Form Does an Elegy Take?

Early elegiac poetry was typically versed in couplets. But, dating back to the eighteenth century, an elegiac stanza has traditionally contained the following characteristics:

  • It is a quatrain (four lines)
  • It contains an ABAB rhyme scheme
  • Each line is written in iambic pentameter

This structure is only a loose guideline. Many contemporary elegies contain no set form, and even the nineteenth-century elegies by the likes of Whitman and Tennyson take ample liberties with meter and rhyme scheme.

One of my favorite elegy’s is by Walt Whitman as a tribute to Abe Lincoln.

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done, The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won, The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring; But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red, Where on the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.

I took advantage of the liberty of two additional lines in my elegy for my grandson instead of staying with the quatrain but I did maintain the rhyme pattern.

Elegy of Johnny ( October 15, 2005- July 1, 2019)

Desperate to breathe, yet not one breath appears

Unable to scream, or even rage for the pain is so great

Our inability to function gave way to silent sneers

Holding his fractured body, crippled by the world’s weight

Branded all of our lives, to a slow drowning by tears

Because his young life was stolen by an act of fate.©



EIF Poetry Challenge #4: The Elegy

letter c day 78

A lot has been on my mind all the things, coming in every direction and it dawned on me.  Feelings are supposed to be tender because once they’ve become hard, they aren’t feeling anymore. I thought it was simply indifference driving me but it’s not.  I’ve shut myself down, again. Self preservation has value.  The week ahead is going to take all of my energy.

I’m choosing to focus on what’s important right now to keep my head in the right place. Then, I’ll begin the next steps of our journey. I ‘m actually emotionally ready for the move. There’s so many things for out there for Vic and I to enjoy.  I miss seeing him laugh. He’s stressed all the time. Reality is this house is sucking the life out of us. But trying to be the iron woman right now I can’t do, I know it’s gotten me through every other time but this time I’ve chosen a slightly different approach.

I’ve gone in every room and made a list of what’s going on Craig’s list and what will be included in the move. Organization I believe will make it easier in the bigger picture for us while we handle the letter-c.

It’s sad how many places are not accepting donations because of Covid 19.  Clothing doesn’t hold germs as long as hard surfaces so I don’t get why there refusing. Just when I was resigned to tossing good clothing into the trash, a card arrived in the mail from the Veteran’s. The clothing now has a new destination.

I was thinking about my song and I’m going back to my first song since I started documenting this letter-c. Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. There’s a distant ship on our horizon,one I believe with all my heart is the right thing even though I know there are aspects that aren’t perfect.  But then what is perfect?


If life was perfect than Johnny, Logan and Sammy would be here and not in heaven. Grandchildren aren’t supposed to die before their grandparents. There is nothing more devastating for a parent or a grandparent than losing a child. The pain and grief are indescribable, often leaving families shattered, in shock, and unable to process all the emotions that come with such a tragic event.

I remember when I lost my own baby a good friend said to me. She didn’t remember who said it. I looked it online and google said unknown. It doesn’t matter what matters is those precious babies aren’t here.

“An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book ‘too beautiful for earth”.    ~ unknown

There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world.   ~ unknown


Letter c day 68

What began as a mediocre day turned into a very happy one instead.  Thank you Ingrid. Sometimes,  we forget how much a simple act of kindness can make in someone’s day.


I’m not sure what’s going on with our fur babies but both vomited today. I don’t know if there was something in their wet food that upset their tummies. I know cats frequently upchuck hair balls but this was simply food from both of them. I tossed the food down the garbage disposal but then later I wondered if I should have hung onto it just in case we needed to transport them to the vet. Hopefully, they will both be fine in the morning.

I was wondering what everyone’s reading. I’m reading Roald Dahl’s Switch Bitch, four adult short stories. Dahl has a notorious hedonist character named Uncle Oswald, in The Visitor and the Bitch. The other two stories are the Great Switcheroo and the Last Act which explores the darker side of desire and pleasure.I’m enjoying Uncle Oswald, he’s quite the character.

I’m exploring different short story presentations to help me find the best way to present my vignettes. I don’t about you but for years I read for enjoyment because poetry was my focus for writing. Now that I’m expanding my writing styles I’m dissecting everything I read so I can improve my writing. I’ve heard at conferences that imitation is the best flattery, and if we find a style that really fits our work go for it but don’t plagiarize. Duh, but I guess if it’s still being stressed at conferences it must still be happening.

Writing for me is self discovery. We all long to return to those days of innocence. Or at least what we believed it was.

Return To Innocence

Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
The return to innocence
And if you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny
Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence
That’s return to innocence
August is almost here and I’m looking forward to it. Closer to the next tests and my 64th birthday. Yes, I’m a Virgo. We’re notably impatient among other traits.
Dear Johnny,
I had coffee today in the mug you gave me for my birthday. I miss you so much.
They had the memorial football game and Jacob scored a touchdown. I wish we had been there with your Mom and Dad to see his face.
Love, Gramma



letter-c day 52

I took a much needed mental health break and enjoyed some good music that tied in with the four elements earth, wind, fire and water. I wanted my song choices to be unique. By the looks of the post, I was successful.

Two of our good friends, Jeanne and Pam joined us for a social distance get together. That made for a perfect day, just enjoying girl talk though in all fairness… not one of us is a girly girly type.Truth be known the only time I even fuss with painting my finger nails is when I need to be somewhere’s after working in the garden. Black nail polish is perfect for hiding the crud that you just can’t get out with a nail brush or file. Plus in case you ever run out of nail polish remover brake fluid (One of the bottles you should have in the trunk of your car along with the anti-freeze and a quart of oil and battery cables) will take off nail polish. I was raised old school, if you had a car you had the tools to take care of it. And you had a blanket,  and a flashlight in the trunk in case you broke down. Car preparedness 101.


I only thought about the letter c a couple of times today. We talked about the oncologist’s shortcomings for me and what my next step would be. In conversation this evening , my son suggested I reach out to a family member about doing a holistic approach to letter-c. because I am not going to do chemo. I’m not going down that path again if I can avoid it. The medical field has immune-therapy options available and that’s what appeals to me. I’m still getting another opinion  because I need to know all the options and to have a doctor that makes me feel valued.

Since we’re on the letter-c let’s get a couple more tools for your culinary cancer regime.

Carrots are anti-inflammatory and rich in Vitamin a. Beta carotene which why they’re a lovely orange is noted for preventing lung, mouth, throat, stomach, intestinal, bladder, prostate, and breast cancer. Sounds like carrots should be daily staple.

Cranberries are anti-inflammatory plus there is something about their compound make that is toxic to cancer cells. That’s a bonus.

Song Choice for today is Norah Jones.  We were talking about the vignettes I’m writing and I was sharing details about my going to the prom in a tuxedo. I hated dresses. Remember back in the day, girls weren’t allowed to wear pants or jeans to school. We were sentenced to dresses. Not this rebel, I wore shorts under my dress and when I had the opportunity to buck the system with not wearing a formal dress to the prom I took it. I wore a white tuxedo with a pink cummerbund, while my date wore a black tuxedo with a pink cummerbund. His lapel corsage was pink, whereas mine was black. It looked stunning.  When I arrived home my father was looming in the shadows. He insisted on taking our pictures… I could feel the teardrops slipping down. I should have flown away but instead I was again trying to find a balance when I should have run. I simply didn’t understand the confusion… I didn’t come when I should have nor  did I leave either.

Don’t Know Why
I waited ’til I saw the sun
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I left you by the house of fun
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you’ll be on my mind
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I’ll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone
My heart is drenched in wine
But you’ll be on my mind
Something has to make you run
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jesse Harris
Don’t Know Why lyrics © Sony/ATV he’Music Publishing LLC
Norah Jones  was born Geethali Norah Jones Shankar; March 30, 1979). She is an American singer, songwriter and pianist. She has won multiple awards and has sold more than 50 million records worldwide. Billboard named her the top jazz artist of the 2000s decade. She has a such a lovely voice.
Dear Johnnie,
There was four of us today in our masks. Three girls and our masks were blue. Grandpa wore a pink mask and I thought of you. You’re Dad wasn’t thrilled with your pink hair nor your shirt choices. Did you know I made your Mama a pink scarf?

Are you changing all of my gladiolus to baby pink? No peach, no red. All the blooms are baby pink or white. Every time I see them I think of you. I miss you.

Grandpa is playing the Dance… we didn’t know how it would end,  I wish we could have missed the pain but hon, I’m so glad we had our precious time together. Love you, Gramma




Cancer Fighting Cookbook by Rebecca Katz and Mat Edelson.

letter-c day 51

Typically I end with my song choice for today but…   Humans are not intended to be caged, we tend not to behave well.  But out of respect I will not take this conversation further because once you put it out there, it never goes away. Instead, let’s talk about these amazing guitar players, BB. King. Eric Clapton, Robert Cray, and Jimmie Vaughn instead of what’s really behind my song choice. I’m sure you’re familiar with the adage Silence is Golden.

“The thrill is gone
The thrill is gone away
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong baby
And you’ll be sorry someday” ~ BB King

BB King recorded his version of the Thrill is Gone in 1969. I was a teenager just beginning to appreciate good music when I discovered BB. When it hit the charts it rose to number 3 on Billboard’s Hot 100, and became his popular hit of his career. It received a Grammy in 1998. I still love this song.

“I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you”~ Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton’s You Look Wonderful Tonight is my favorite although he’s probably more known for his I Shot the Sheriff. Clapton is ranked 2nd in Rolling Stone’s top guitarist. Here I tend to lean toward Bob Marley’s version more than Clapton’s cover version. I guess it depends if you like reggae straight or with a touch of soft rock.  I remember seeing an interview where Marley said he changed the lyrics from I shot the police to I shot the sheriff to keep the radio stations happy.

“I get a constant busy signal
When I call you on the phone
I get a strong, uneasy feeling
You’re not sitting there alone

I’m having nasty, nasty visions
And baby you’re in every one, yeah
And I’m so afraid I’m gonna find you with
A so-called smoking gun”~ Robert Cray

Robert Cray’s Smoking Gun hit number 2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in 1986. I simply fell in love with how he played the guitar more than the words to the song though there were times I wondered how I would feel if he was holding that smoking gun. 1986 was during the dark days of my first marriage, he accused me constantly of every thing under the sun. Cray performed as an opening act for Clapton in his early days and in his later days  played guitar on a few of Clapton’s releases.  I didn’t agree with the Rolling Stone’s snub for top 100 guitarist.

“Dengue woman
Stay away from me
Dengue woman
Stay away from me
You got your fever and your rash
Over me

That’s why
Everyday you bring me misery
Everyday you give me misery
I think about jumpin’
Jumpin’ in the deep blue see”~ Jimmie Vaughn

Jimmie Vaughn had the pleasure of opening for Jimi Hendrix. My first exposure to him was actually in the movie Blue Brothers 2000 where he played one of the fictional Louisana Gator Boys with BB King. I like his guitar skills, his political inclinations with Ron Paul not so much. Putting his political stupidity aside I still enjoy Dengue Woman. I love the sound of the guitar. Jimmie’s brother Stevie made the Rolling Stone’s list for guitarist before he was killed in a helicopter crash.

My friend Jeanne sent me a picture of a mojito this afternoon in a text. AH, now that sounds perfect for today. Aggravating the pancreas… is a negative, numbing the migraine is a positive. Bonus, if I drink enough I’ll numb all the other aggravation.img_3733

Doesn’t the mint and lime look good together. I love being able to pick fresh mint and adding it to water as well as to mojito’s. I’m so lucky it is growing so profusely in my rail planter.

Cancer Culinary toolkit:

Mint is a digestive aid, and it is antimicrobial as well as being rich in Vitamin c and beta-carotene.


Writing Today:

I’ve written a poetic response to a Stream of Consciousness prompt and another poetic response to a paint chip prompt in addition to reworking this poem that I originally wrote in 2017. Three poems today. Yay!

Lyn’s Last Journey
Her name hangs by a string
dangling from her big toe
protruding from a dark box.
Her unfinished obituary
lies on the ancient desk
shrouded in dust.
No one remembers
when she was more than mortal
but her.
Oh, how her howls rushed through
the leaves of time. It was a lonely
journey being her, the social misfit
trapped and helpless facing failure.
She endured days of misery.
Lies, incompetence,
and cruelty were the norm.
in the turbulent times
until that fatal flawed moment.
She never saw her end being
a mere string with a hand gripping
the gloomy box that holds what’s left
of her…Lyn, a figment in her own mind.

Dear Johnny,

Zac finished first yesterday with your name tribute on the hood leading the way.  Zac said Where to begin! Last night was a blast!! Had an awesome battle with Kyle Robinson in the feature, in the end we came home in First! Thank you so much to everyone who helps!  I watched Kim’s video feed of the race last night.

CJ had a lobster sandwich and red hot dogs at a place called a Bite of Maine in Virginia Beach for his 16th birthday dinner. He never had the opportunity to take them from the trap fresh and pop in the steaming pot like you. And those red hot dogs we’re so familiar with in Maine aren’t available here in Jersey either.

Gramma misses you.

Garden update:

I checked the garden out, phew the veggies fared really well. I did have to drain a few of the pots of the excess water but overall things went well. It’s 93 degrees here so it won’t take long to dry things back out but at least everything got a thorough rinsing. Husky 100’s, cucumbers and beans, and the zucchini all looking healthy. The husky 100 plant is almost taller than me. ( the middle circle) Crazy how big it got.




letter -c day 49 and 50

Yesterday blogging didn’t happen because my migraine spiked really bad . The impending storm probably added to the pressure my head was feeling. Staring at a computer wasn’t in the picture with the auras. So much for setting a new record. Oh well. It is what it is.


I secured my tomato cages and trellises before Tropical Fay visited New Jersey.  I took some pictures of my flower beds before the storm arrived. It was a good thing I did because the wind broke four of my gladiolus, snapped the yellow lily and the white lily and splayed my rose bush knocking lots of blossoms off the bush.

Thankfully, my veggies fared better.


I read one of Ray Bradbury’s short stories Cat Pajama’s out loud to Macavity. He wanted to curl up in my lap while the wind was whipping and the rain slamming against the glass. I think the storm was upsetting my fur baby. It reminded me of the last time I read Cat’s Pajama’s. My granddaughters were down from Maine visiting with us. Grandma and Grandpa took turns reading to them before bedtime. Cat’s Pajama was a hit even with the age difference. The older granddaughter thought she was too old for bedtime stories.

Veggie Burgers:

Two cans of garbanzo beans (chick peas)  drained and rinsed I mashed them but you can toss in food processor
1/2 green pepper finely chopped
1/2 yellow onion finely chopped
1 carrot shredded
1 yellow squash scoop out seeds and then finely diced
4 whole mushrooms finely diced
3 cloves of garlic diced
1 egg
2 tbsp of olive oil
2 tbsp of tahini
1 tbsp of black pepper
2 tbsp of Italian seasoning
1 tsp of salt

Mix together, put in fridge for an hour or longer for flavors to blend. Makes 8 patties.

Shape into patties bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes and then turn and bake final 10 minutes.

I had Swiss chard ready in the garden so I chopped it up and tossed it in. You can add cilantro to this recipe as well but I didn’t have any so I skipped it this time.

They came out awesome.  Vic did a lot of complaining, swears I’m trying to kill with veggies.

Culinary tool kit against cancer:

Chick peas are anti-inflammatory as well as being loaded with protein. Their high fiber helps flush toxins from our body.

Chocolate is anti-inflammatory and it has four times the anti-oxidants found in tea.

Cilantro and coriander is a digestive aid, as well as an anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial and anti-bacterial. Cilantro is helpful for anxiety.  Unfortunately, I have lots of that lately.

Birthday and a Dark Memory

CJ is sixteen today. He’s my oldest grandson. I wish we could go to see him in Virginia but that’s not in the game plan with COVID-19 and my health. This is the second year in a row we haven’t been able to get together. Last year on CJ’s birthday we were inside a church for Johnny’s service in Skowhegan, Maine.

There were two songs played during his service. One song was by Brad Paisley, When I Get There and the other song was by Band Perry, If I Die Young.



CJ complained about how grownups don’t really hear. Johnny said, the same thing about grownups. They don’t listen. One of the lines in the song, is funny how people start listening when you’re dead. Did I listen enough? I’ve wondered that a lot in this past year.  If nothing else I hope you never ask that question of yourself. Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead… how people start listenin’ “~ Band Perry


“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napolean Bonaparte


Whisper so sweetly
enchanted words of love
hold them close
like sweet honey on a comb
locking withered dreams away©


Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)





Cilantro and Coriander: Powerful Anti-Cancer Duo




letter-c day 45

Two days more to go before the initial meeting with the gastric oncologist. This waiting is so frustrating. Time to me feels like pouring the dredges of honey from a bottle. January 8th is when all the crap began. They removed my gallbladder on the 13th. Nothing has been right since.  I’m very aware things take time and COVID-19 has complicated stuff but…cancer works on it’s own schedule not ours.

I couldn’t focus yesterday. I was even sure I would actually get a post for day 44 done but I did. It wasn’t one of my best that’s for sure. Though I did share some beautiful flower pictures from our walk in Lambertville.  The daisies made me smile.


When I was young, I used to walk on the Horn of the Moon road in East Montpelier by the Wrightsville Dam picking daisies. I would weave them together and then wear them on my long red hair.  My crown of daisies lifted me from the drudgery. I was my siblings’ parent while our actual parents were in Connecticut running around with their liasons. Yeah, they both had lovers on the side. My father worked nights and my mother days so the timing worked well for their cheating selfs.

My sister used to pluck the petals and ask does he love me, or does he not. I never did. I didn’t want anyone to have that kind of control of my heart. Instead, I wanted to be riding off into battle dressed in armor with a daisy crown.


Apathy and Evil
Under a full moon, the wind ripped silent
that night in the overgrown cemetery.
Headstones cracked and leaned valiant
better than the local constabulary.
The decomposed body lies prominent
exposed, no one cared who did the treachery.
Eyes filled with indifference, so convenient
like everything in this small town sanctuary.


The daisies reminded me of the night I snuck to the cemetery for the first time when I was eleven after my siblings were asleep.  The nearest one from my grandfathers camp involved me walking across the Wrightsville Dam  Road and then down Route 12 for about a half mile then up the Bolio Road to the graveyard. I randomly laid daisy crowns on the worn headstones of my family members. That summer the nightly explorations became a favorite thing for me because I used to imagine the person’s life. The stories I would write about them. Writing has always brought me enjoyment.

This poem came about after re-reading my diary stories from my summer jaunts to the cemetery. I had written a story about a constabulary being killed and his body abandoned in the cemetery. No one looked there for his body. It wasn’t discovered until someone had been buried there the following year. He wad so disliked they simply left his body exposed with no investigation to follow.

I did love to wander a lot at night without my parents, or my grandparents ever knowing where I was.  Sleep wasn’t important to me. Maybe that’s why I have such good night vision. When I think back on all the things I did without ever thinking about the danger… I was a fearless child. Sometimes, I wish I had that kind of fearlessness now.


Tuna Casserole on this crazy humid ninety-four degree day.  I’m going to load my casserole with carrots and peas. We’re having a side salad with fresh picked kale, swisschard, and beetgreens with honeydew and cranberries. Yummy!

I wish the thunderstorms would come earlier today and cool things down. I love the energy of a thunderstorms, don’t you?

On Facebook, there’s a Lawrenceville community page and there was a bunch of posts about the firework noise. People need to release some of the tension with all this social distancing but of course some one has to be a downer. I wonder if they want Mother Nature arrested too because the thunder storms we’ve been having since this heat wave began are loud.

I’ll toss a couple more culinary cancer tools for you to know.

Cabbage like the cruciferous veggies, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Kale, Bok Choy, Broccoli and Turnip is antibacterial and anti-inflammatory. The key is not over-cooking it so you preserve the sinigrin compound that detoxifies carcinogens and inhibits tumor cell growth.

Cantalope is also anti-inflammatory with tons of Vitamin A.

Cardamon is a digestive aid and anti-inflammatory.  It’s great for digestive issues by simply chewing on cardamon seeds. Bonus you get fresh breath too! Cardamon may also reduce blood pressure, that’s an another added bonus.

Carrots are anti-inflammatory and also have tons of Vitamin A. The beta-carotene that gives carrots their lovely color helps us fight against lung, mouth, throat, stomach, intentinal, bladder,prostrate and breast… cancers. We should be eating carrots every day.

We made an early morning trek to the ocean. I really needed to recharge myself. There’s something about having my toes in the salty water and walking on the sand that refreshes me. I realized last night that’s what I truly needed. I hadn’t been in three months which is very unlike me.

One the ride back,  thought about the beach, people were socially distanced this morning. There was one family of three who arrived just before I was leaving that were doing their best to be in the moment. Dad helped his daughter fly her kite. She may have been three or four years old. Her joyous laughter filled the air. I miss the sound of happiness more than anything.

That leads me to my song choice today. Yeah I am very sentimental and sappy. I won’t deny it. It’s not the boy meets girl and falls in love part of this song that makes me smile as much as the perfect moment. Dancing barefoot on the grass, being together in that perfect moment. In the last two days, I’ve enjoyed perfect moments with Vic. We walked hand in hand on the canal. We sat together looking up at the beautiful Thunder Moon. We got up at 4:30 this morning to do an ocean pilgrimmage. We’ve played cribbage with coffee on the deck and in the kitchen.


Isn’t that what living in the moment is really about. letter-c , you have nothing to do with these perfect moments. My moments and dreams are mine always and forever.



Dear Johnny,


Your Dad has grayed a lot in the past year since you left us.  Gramma sees the sadness in his eyes all the time with out you. I thought of you a lot yesterday, you loved the fireworks so much.  Your cousin Olyvia and you share that in common.

If you can find a way, let Dad know you’re with him. I think he really needs a sign from you. Gramma and Grandpa wished we could have been there with him. I hate this virus that is forcing us to be socially distanced.

You’re both always on my mind, always in my heart as are Vic, Jacob, Chris, CJ, Amanda, Olyiva, Lael, Braylie, Mikhayla, Caitlyn, Marcia, Debbie, Janine, Sammy and Logan

oops I can’t forget my beloved fur babies. Fluffy, Quasimoto, Purryl, Angel, Yeats, and Macavity.

The biggest regret of my life is that I have not said ‘I love you’ often enough.’







letter-c day 43


I was remembering Vic and my early dating times as I tried to decide upon a plan with the vignettes. Do I want to do ten year time frames with random stories or do I want to group a collection of stories that show my personal growth with happier memories. I’m tired of the bad crap always getting my focus.

This picture appeared in the facebook feed. We had been in Camden, Maine driving when I asked Vic to stop so we could simply enjoy the ocean’s salty smell. We walked around the town a bit enjoying the peacefulness of a small town after the tourists have left for the season. Vic loves snapping pictures which is uncomfortable for me. Usually it’s me behind the lens taking the photograph not being the one before the lens. I feel awkward because pretty and photogenic are things that don’t apply to me.

This photograph surprised me…  he captured the introspective me and the harbor lights beautifully.  Anyway, looking at the photograph Eric Clapton’s song came to mind. Do you remember Wonderful Tonight?

My very first date in person with Vic was at DeMillo’s in Portland, Maine. I didn’t have an extensive wardrobe. Shopping was never something I enjoyed or could afford to do. I decided to wear white dress shorts, a black tank top with a red mesh sweater over the tank to dine. Vic wore an orange and blue polo shirt and khakis. We were comfortably dressed for a summer night. The restaurant was a short drive from the hotel. Our view from the table was perfect as the sun set on the ocean. The candle glowed upon our food as we talked about different things.

I still remember how special he made me feel, opening the door, taking my hand as we walked around for a bit after dinner. These may seem like small things to you but prior to him… no one opened a door for me, or took my hand or even took me to a nice restaurant. It was a perfect first date.

I don’t say or write it as often I should but Vic is a loving kind man. He’s the perfect man for me. I feel wonderful whenever we’re together even when he’s beating me in cribbage. Our time together means so much to me.

We’ve shared many dates since in fancy restaurants and some not so fancy but with good food. He teases me because I tend to want to stay with places that make me feel like I’ve come home. Like this diner near us, its not fancy looking at all. It’s owned by a Turkish family that work well together. The food choices are many and the taste is excellent. But that’s not what keeps me wanting to go again. It’s the way we feel while there… as if we’re part of their family not a customer.  They remember what we like, how it’s prepared which is awesome. The small talk we exchange is genuine prior to ordering and after makes the evening for me.  Not many fancy places make that extra effort.

“It’s late in the evening; she’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me, Do I look all right?
And I say, “Yes, you look wonderful tonight
We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that’s walking around with me
And then she asks me, Do you feel all right?
And I say, “Yes, I feel wonderful tonight”
I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you” ~ Eric Clapton




Tonight, we’re having stuffed zucchini since the ac is on. It’s humid as all get outside I don’t like running it but on days like today, it’s a necessary evil. So since we have climate control oven day it is. I wish I could say I picked the zucchini from my garden but soon. I have a buds with fruit behind them. And no more bunny or chipmunk invasions either.

More things for your culinary pharmacy-

Brazil nuts are selenium rich as well as anti-inflammatory which is helpful against colon and prostrate cancer but did you also know they’re helpful for your heart, brain and lowering your blood sugar. That’s a lot for your crunch.

Broccoli is also an anti-inflammatory. It can inhibit breast cancer growth as well as slowing leukemia and melanoma growth.

Buckwheat is another anti-inflammatory. It’s high fiber content helps regulate bowel movements as well speeding up the removal of toxins in our body.


I edited the short story that transpired from the prompt about an island suddenly appearing. I don’t know if i made it better or worse. 

Dear Johnny,

Last night, Dad shared a picture of Jacob at work with him.  Jacob was making him laugh. I’m glad for your Dad and Jacob that they have each other since you left us. You’re little brother looks so much like you. Except for one thing. He doesn’t hide his smiles like you always did.

I wish you could see Jacob choking the hammer as he nails. He looked more comfortable with the drill than he did the hammer. I wish I had taken pictures of you at that age using a hammer.

Zach has a tribute painted on the hood of both of his cars for you.  It looks so beautiful. Racing this year is crazy. The drivers and crew only at the track. No spectators allowed because of COVID-19. Zach missed a gear yesterday and didn’t finish where he hoped. I’m sure you can imagine the language that transpired.

This poem was reviewed on WDC today and it reminded me of the morning in the restaurant when you ordered my breakfast and then explained how I was wasting the waitress’s time by not knowing exactly how I wanted my food prepared. All that time you spent at the restaurant with Momma paid off. You taught us all.

two fried eggs on corned beef hash
sizzling in the pan
tantalizing my taste buds
with salty cravings
scrambled mess

Gramma and Grandpa love you always. We miss you. Maybe when you have a chance could you rattle all the chimes again for me.

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri




Cancer Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz and Mat Edelson