The word correlation, another c-word that comes to mind when I think about the past year. Continuous stress played a prominent factor in my world. Johnny died, than Derek and Ian.  When Johnny died in that fluke dirt bike accident, my world shattered. It didn’t take rocket science to realize how fragile life really is. I watched my eldest son struggle with the loss of his son. We almost lost him too. I was so scared all the time.  I watched my other son relive the losses of his own babies. No grandmother, mom sees their future standing beside their babies as they bury their babies.  Life is cruel.

The nightmare continued with first Derek’s suicide and then a very short time later Ian’s.  I had known both these boys since they began school. I was their bus driver. I  never dreamed that I would also be a part of their lives when it ended.

The emotional roller coaster took us all on a path filled with darkness and despair as this gloomy cloud of death shrouded us all.

Collective memories helped us find our way but at what price. That’s where correlation came in my contemplative state. Our bodies aren’t intended to handle chronic stress without some kind of reaction. Stress has a profound affect upon how our body functions.  Maybe this is a wake up call that I need to change my focus.

Choose… today, I made you a lower case c,  because I will not let you ruin my life.

My song today is by Tracy Chapman, Give Me One Good Reason. I’m blessed I have many good reasons.