I began a food journal to help determine the foods that irritate me the most. Is it just the specific food or is it because of what I had with it or prior to having it. So many variables to consider but necessary if I’m going to enjoy food without pain again.

Like dinner yesterday, I burped, continuously and tasted asparagus for three hours. I can’t imagine why asparagus with nothing on it would irritate me. I love asparagus so it’s not like I’m introducing a new food, its one I enjoy frequently. Did it not agree with the stir-fried rice? Or was the grilled cauliflower steak? I don’t know. But I do know what taste kept recoiling. So much to learn.

Tonight, I’ve had the shoulder pain but no heartburn thus far. We had turkey, basil, swiss shard sandwiches, with olive tapenade dressing instead of mayo or mustard,  cucumbers and an ear of steamed corn. I did have to make a mad dash to the bathroom. That I think may be related to the butter on the corn. Fat is a huge trigger when you don’t have a gall bladder.

I thought about some of the things I feel are important for everyone that is taking this journey with me to be aware. Herbs, vegetables and fruits play significant roles in battling cancer but the hard part is knowing what does what. So while your joining me I’ll help you get familiar. That’s what friends do.

Let’s take this journey alphabetically.

Allspice is a digestive aid as well as being helpful as antimicrobial. In case you don’t know antimicrobial is an agent that kills microorganisms or at least slows them down. It is especially helpful in the upper (small) intestine. Allspice is great if you feel bloated or gassy or have indigestion. It does more than season meat, soups, vegetables and baked goods.

Writing the vignettes has opened doors to memories I hadn’t thought about in such a long time. I don’t know if this collection of vignettes will eventually become a memoir. At this point, it doesn’t matter, I just need to get the words on the page. There was a garden I used to sneak into at night. I weeded and pruned by flash light because it broke my heart to see it neglected every day on my way to school. I knew an elderly woman lived there. In retrospect, I should have gone to the door and simply asked if she minded by if I puttered in the garden. The reason I didn’t was because I was afraid she would say no. One night, I saw her come to the window and watch then disappear. I took that as consent because she didn’t call the police. The following night the outside light in the garden was left on. Under a tangled mess of honeysuckle and wisteria were irises, lilies, violets and muscari all competing for sunlight. The hostas were so thick they were killing themselves. I borrowed my grandfather’s pruner, and loper to get things back under control. I found joy working there alone at night, listening to my small transistor radio with Motown artists like Dorothy Moore crooning songs. I didn’t accept love existed but this woman did. I believed in what was in front of me the sweet smell of fresh turned dirt and the flowers blooming. People on the other hand were cruel and destructive. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone like the song Misty Blue.

Her voice was beautiful even if I didn’t believe the lyrics. Joe Simon did the song first but at that time I preferred her rendition.  Listening to them now I actually enjoy his version more because it’s so calming

They’re both talented artists. We don’t have artists today like we did during the Motown period. Music fills so many voids in our lives and helps us get where we need to be.

I did indeed sleep last night as I had hoped. The c-word weighs heavily on a person as I’ve indicated. Yesterday, finally feeling like the doctors and I were on the same page was like having a weight taken off my shoulders. Even my hubby commented how well he slept last night. We both needed reassurance that we’re all on the same page. Now, let’s kick this damn cancer’s ass.

Pam will be pleased I picked up the ingredients for two of the recipes in the cookbook she sent me. On the menu for this week is basil broccoli, stir-fried bok choy with shiitake mushrooms and kale, green apple and pineapple smoothies. Vic is going to swear I’m trying to kill with veggies. What a way to go 🙂

I’ve completed half of the front band on the shirt I’m crocheting with the cotton yarn. I’m liking the feel of the yarn. I’ll probably do more down the road with this brand. I’m curious what other crocheter’s think of Lion’s Brand Mercerized Cotton Yarn. 24/7 cotton is on the label. The color I’m doing the band is rose and the body section will be magenta. I’m going to do the sleeves in rose as well. I have pink jeans that I think will look awesome together once I finish.

I wrote my blog entry but didn’t have the energy to work on my vignette so that is definitely on today’s agenda. Two instead of one, if I’m lucky.  I know Tuesday night is a designated writing time with my writing friends on zoom so I can easily do one then. There’s something to be said seeing others writing at the same time.  It’s truly motivating.

We did the weekly trip to the grocery and tonight’s dinner is just a turkey wrap with fresh picked lettuce and basil from my garden and left over grilled cauliflower, so I can focus on my writing. Woohoo!

Dinner came out awesome yesterday. I turned the head of the cauliflower side ways and cut it into one inch slices. I used a pastry bush and coated it with olive oil then seasoned it will fresh chopped garlic, oregano, basil, and coarsely ground black pepper and then grilled it until it was fork tender but not mushy. I like it sprinkled with small traces of sharp cheese. Yummy!

Yesterday, I did learn something that you may not be aware. I know I wasn’t.  Prilosec is the most effective one hour before a meal. My doctor had written me a script for a higher dosage than on the shelf and I was taking it one hour before bedtime because of the reflux. Come to find out it works more efficiently taking it before the dinner meal or the largest meal. I tried it yesterday and I didn’t have the awful bile backwash that I was experiencing when I laid down. I had a little sensation like heartburn but nothing as painful as the reflux followed by vomiting. Nor did the doctor think to tell me it was the most effective way of taking it. He apologized and said, he thought pharmacists typically do so it didn’t cross his mind. Well, another lesson learned. Who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks.

This girl needs to keep her writing fingers busy, I’ve got vignettes to write. Truth to be told. Courage to be shared. This foundation feels strong today  Or as a friend of mine Kare Enga said, “I’m the captain of my ship.” Full steam ahead then. So on that note I’m going with Dylan today. Forever Young.

“May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.”~ Writer(s): Bob Dylan, Rod Stewart, Jim Cregan, Kevin Savigar

In case you’re new to my blog and wondering why I name my posts the letter-c. with the day.  I’ll save you time scrolling back thru my posts. I have malignant cancer cells in my bile duct. On May 14th, a biopsy was done when they removed the stent that had been placed in the bile duct to allow it to heal on March 8th after being aggravated by gall stones that had escaped when they removed my gall bladder back on January 8th. Yes, we’re talking about a six month time frame. I’ve had multiple blood screenings which thus far haven’t shown the protons that pancreatic cancer emits. The blood screens are helping the doctors monitor my liver numbers since haven’t gone back down to the norm. Which is also another warning that things are not right.

Today, I met with my doctor. The poor man had no idea how stubborn and determined I am to be active in every part of the decision of my treatment. A month ago, he indicated that his patients trust him. He scheduled an MRI and blood work before having me come in to discuss what he thought was best. I took the time today to explain where I come from. I told him all about my family history, yes there’s a lot of cancer. It’s not a question of trust. It’s because I made the mistake with my first and second rounds of cancer to not ask enough questions or to push for my care.

My first abnormal pap smear happened when I was 22. They did pap smears every three months. Every one was abnormal but they took a wait and see approach. I became pregnant with youngest daughter and then thr doctor said I couldn’t carry my baby to term because it was too risky. He recommended an abortion. Wrong! I changed doctors and carried my daughter full term. Then I had a radical hysterectomy followed by chemo. I was 24 years old and naive.

When I was 44, I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Once again, the doctor took a wait and see approach. That also didn’t work out well and I had to have surgery followed by radiation. Bonus gift from the radiation, I ended up with breast cancer. Doctor didn’t tell me how high the risks were because he felt it was the best choice. I wish I had known all the risks and been included in the decision but I wasn’t given that option.

I had two different doctors this time, a wonderful surgeon (woman) who talked openly with me about the risks of leaving my breast in tact and doing the lumpectomy. The other doctor (man) was pushing strongly for me to have both of my breasts removed because of my family history and the fact that I have the BRCA1 genetic factor. I was divorced, in the early stages of a new relationship getting cut up wasn’t something I wanted. I knew the risks but I also remembered how devastated my grandmother was after losing her breasts. It wasn’t easy for her. I was lucky the surgeon did an amazing job, all I have is a minimal scar. The chemo stole my hair, and I was sick for a long time. I was lucky. So damn lucky. That was fifteen years ago.

I learned a lot with each experience but the most valuable lesson was to be my best advocate. Good decisions are based on having all the facts regardless. I’m 64 years old and this is my fourth cancer diagnosis. My doctor listened today, made a phone call to an oncologist that specializes in gastric cancers. The oncologist added his thoughts to conversation. Gastric cancers are typically bile, pancreas,liver, small or large intestine and stomach. I go July 7th to meet the oncologist in person. During the conference call, we decided to do another blood screening because my liver numbers are important indicators. I have to schedule that yet.  On August 11th, I have an upper gi screening, colonoscopy and the endoscopic ultra sound. Three important tests to make sure all the bases are covered.

I came home today feeling less stressed because they listened, really listened. I don’t feel as afraid as I did. It’s a good thing because putting on a happy face is exhausting.

In 1983, was the first time I heard this song by Eurythmics. The lyrics could’ve been written for me. I was looking for something, and it seemed like every direction something happened. I never found that something but I knew I couldn’t stop because I was so very unhappy in my marriage. My children were my world and I buried myself in them and stopped looking until they were adults. In 2003, I filed for divorce.The world was mine and I knew what sweet dreams really were. Being single was mighty fine and nothing to be afraid of at forty-seven.