I was looking through one of my folders on death poems, and I came across this gem, I wrote back in 2013. Sometimes, we just need to put our emotions out there. I chose an inanimate object to express how I felt. What’s your favorite way of letting your emotions go.
Coated with murky, putrid crap
Black grime embedded toe cap
Frayed, broken eyelets, pieced laces
Tightly knotted barely held in places
The quarter dog- eared in the back
Tired leather, brittle, split, cracked
Tongue twisted out of shape, torn
Sadly abused when it was worn
The insole broken down to clumpy pieces
Heels unevenly worn to the side
Clearly issues with the owners stride
Soles with large holes worn thru
Smushed leather like an overcooked stew
Broken stitches more here then there
Oh, the woes of a life in despair.
This day began pleasant enough with my black coffee, Macavity and Queenie by Candice Carty- Williams. I finished the book with Macavity sprawled across my lap while I read. Then I joined the husband for blueberry muffins, honeydew and fresh blueberries while we played two games of cribbage once our window to eat opened. We typically only eat in an 8 hour window.
I wrote another stream of consciousness response to the prompt word, link. It was fun writing it on the Ipad with Macavity putting his paw on the screen disrupting my typing. He was in quite the playful mood before he conked out.
Book review:
The book is about a Jamaican woman living in the UK working for magazine company. Her white boyfriend broke up with her, and insisted she be the one to move. He made more money. Her relocation based on her finances wasn’t ideal but at least she wasn’t on the street. Her contacts on a dating app led to one night risky sex and multiple visits to a clinic to make sure she didn’t get something. Upon one visit, her doctor became concerned that she had been sexually assaulted because of the vaginal bruising and bite marks and suggested she seek help. Her self esteem was the real issue, she didn’t think she deserved better so now her personal and work life were escalating to self-destruct. Queenie’s job was at risk because a co-worker claimed she was stalking him when in fact it was the other way around. She was suspended and had to move back in with her grandparents. Now, she was at rock-bottom and the only light in that tunnel was a counselor named Janet. Janet was very helpful when Queenie needed it most. The ending wasn’t cookie cutter perfect but it did show her life evolving in the direction it needed for her to find happiness.
I could relate to the self-destructive behavior and hitting rock bottom. I’ve been there. I didn’t think I was deserving of love let alone being treated nice just like Queenie. When you’ve been told your whole life you’re nothing, it’s hard to see yourself otherwise. Thankfully, my present life isn’t in that place now or it wasn’t until my husband decided to open his mouth. Yeah, this post has now turned into a vent.
I don’t need more frustration or aggravation in my life because my hubby thinks I should have emails addy’s included on my phone for everyone in my contacts. WTF??? I don’t use my phone for emailing people. I don’t need to. I don’t want to be that connected to my phone. I get emails on my computer and that’s just where I want them to stay. So what does he say when I say I have no need to have them on my phone, that I’m just like his mother. I’m choosing to be intellectually and technologically incompetent. Ask me what I thinking… fuck you, dear! Yup, I’m pissed.
I could post Lily Allen’s song FUCK You but the lyrics address racism and hatred but he’s not either one of them. He’s just annoying. So instead, I’ve chosen Courtney Barnett’s I’m Not Your Mother, I’m Not Your Bitch. I told you my music taste is all over the place. Eclectic and sometimes down right selective! Almost poetic here.
Lyrics
I’m not your mother, I’m not your bitch
I hear you mutter under your breath
Put up or shut up, it’s all the same
It’s all the same, never change, never change
I’m not your mother, I’m not your bitch
D-did I stutter a little bit?
Sit down and shut up, it’s all the same
It’s all the same, never change, never change
I try my best at being patient
But I can’t only put up with so much shit
I’m not your mother, I’m not your bitch
I hear you mutter under your breath
Put up or shut up, it’s all the same
It’s all the same, never change, never change
Dining tonight isn’t arsenic yet, though it could easily change.
There are three things a wise man should fear, a storm at sea, a night with no moon, and a woman’s anger.
I’m poaching tilapia and making a salad to go with the left over pasta and basil pesto. I picked the kale, lettuce, and swiss chard early this morning before the heat of the day. It doesn’t taste as good once it’s been overheated. By the looks of the next few day, my veggies are definitely going to be stressed with this heat spell. Looks like I’ll be watering every morning and night.
Once we’ve finished the tilapia off we have in the freezer I won’t be replacing it because everything I’ve read lately indicates farm raised fish is more dangerous for us than wild.
Culinary pharmacy:
Halibut is anti-inflammatory in addition to being loaded with omega 3 fatty acids but there’s conflicting information on its value. So this I’ll leave up to you.
Kale, we already talked about with cabbage. It’s anti-inflammatory.
Leeks like garlic and onions is anti-inflammatory and antibacterial.
The word is link, my brain says it’s too early to think but the alternative could be put those hands in the kitchen sink. How many times do you have to go through this before you put on gloves. Roses have thorns. Just because you nurture them doesn’t mean you’re above their scorn.
Just do it. Cover your hands with a baking soda paste and wait. It’s not like you’re running a marathon today. All the thorns will loosen and maybe by then you might have an intelligent stream of consciousness response to link. I just need time to think of something to link but all that comes to mind are rhymes of a different time.
Link, think, when’s the last time you saw a mink? I’m not sure who was more startled you or the mink. It made you think of a mouse at first until the rest of its body appeared in your garden. You didn’t move and neither did it. He was doing an early evening snack raid. Guess he didn’t expect anyone to be there. But you were… sitting but not actually doing what you came out to do. You were mulling again.
And naturally your camera was inside the house, so no cool picture to link. Unlike today’s world where your camera is on your phone and attached to your hip but there’s no mink either. Just you trying to type with lots of thorns protruding because you are so damn stubborn to simply go make a mess over the kitchen sink.
Thank goodness for google, I found a mink. Now you see why I initially thought mouse. Look at that adorable little face. If only I could get the link to fit in this box
The torrential rain we had last weekend really knocked my rose bush around in the front yard. Today, when I was outside trimming the spent rose buds I discovered it did more than knock it around, there were a couple branches broken so I had to prune my beautiful rose bush. Normally, I would have waited until it was much cooler but leaving it like that would have harmed the core. Since, I was already out there and saturated with sweat I cut the lambs ear stems, and trimmed the spent stalks on the lilies.
When I stood up, I became dizzy so I sat down on the steps. I chugged down my water as I sat there. Then I checked the temperature on my phone. Shit, it wasn’t 82 degrees anymore it was 95. No wonder I felt weird, I was heat exhausted. I’m not young anymore and this weather definitely made sure I knew it. I sat down inside and drank another glass of water before taking a shower. Once I sat back down again, I got cold chills. Yup, definitely heat exhaustion. Macavity hopped in my lap and we took a much needed nap. So needless to say, my writing got put on hold again.
Today’s culinary dish:
I’ve been craving pulled pork for sometime, so I threw the pork, onions, mushrooms and a can of coke together in the crockpot. It tasted so good while I kept it down, but between the reflux, and onslaught of pain until I vomited… the message came through loud and clear. Pork isn’t going to be part of my diet. This is the second incidence since my gallbladder was removed. GRRRR another favorite of mine has bit the dust.
Culinary Pharmacy:
Ginger reduces nausea as well as being anti-inflammatory and antibacterial. Unfortunately, it didn’t help me tonight but I’ve had good luck with it on other occasions. Ginger tea is a staple in our home.
Green tea is an anti-inflammatory. It’s helpful in keeping carcinogens inactive in the gastric tract.
Have fun with these words in your blog today: critic, feather, visual, emphasis, grand, jester, correspond
” Writing is thinking out loud. Blogging is thinking out loud where other folks think back.”~ Liz Strauss What are your thoughts?
The jester’s emphasis on the visual presentation of the feather should correspond with the grand finale but can he get it pass the last critic, the crow.
I agree with Ms. Strauss about thinking out loud as I write. I frequently talk to myself as I write. Me, Myself, and I have some interesting conversations. Blogging invites others to join in the conversation. That’s what appeals to me about blogging. It’s a great way to make new friends, or discover things that you didn’t know about your friends. ON WDC, blogging was how I met some really awesome people. We’re going to do a blogging challenge in August, 7 continents in 30 days virtually. I’m putting together an itinerary, they look up things about the location and what appeals or doesn’t appeal to them. Some create some interesting stories about the day.
Reading:
I’m almost finished reading Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams. The book is quite interesting on so many different levels. The author chose to include text messages on the page in little boxes to compliment the story. She discusses on unprotected sex, one night stands and break ups in an open refreshing manner that I’m really enjoying. I’m gaining an insightful perspective about today’s dating scene that wasn’t discussed like this in my youth. Like for instance, Queenie has a one night stand with a Welsh guy that’s into rough sex. When she goes for a check up her doctor is concerned about the vaginal tearing and the bruises but she dismisses it. ( I was glad she dumped him after the one night, he was a dickhead)
Oddly enough, John Cougar Mellencamp’s Hurt So Good came on in my Youtube feed. Serendipity or karma wanting to be heard. Why not? I didn’t have a song chose for the day because I’ve been busy and the letter-c hadn’t crossed my mind until this evening when I lost my dinner. And then all I really thought about was how much my diet has changed since my gallbladder decided to act up in January of this year.
My personal experience with this song was at Deidre’s gym in my hometown. This was one of the songs, she used for arm workouts in our aerobic class. I used to enjoy going with Jeri and Linda. Deidre had her moments, she was a bit over the top for me especially when she got into the body sculpting competitions. Outside of the gym, I was glad I didn’t have contact with her.
After the gym closed, I didn’t cross paths with Deidre until a winter track meet. She was bitching about her daughter getting beat by this muscle monster. I found the comment strange considering her manic drive for the competitions. But when I looked to see who her daughter was on the podium with, I chuckled. It was my daughter, Amanda. Yes, she was strong but hardly a monster. Amanda was very passionate about the shot put and worked hard so she was ready for the season. I could have said something snarky but chose instead to simply walk away. Some people just aren’t worth the energy.
Today, one of the bloggers on WordPress reached out to me. Come to find out we’re kindred spirits. We’ve both been in abusive relationships and we’ve both had cancer. You never know who will connect with you as you blog. I hope we will inspire each other with our blogging topics.
I’m looking forward to hitting the sack tonight. I’m still not feeling like myself.
“For every ailment under the sun, There is a remedy, or there is none, If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it.” ~ Mother Goose
Thinking about the changes ahead of us today. I wasn’t ready before. I believe I was holding onto the safety of my stone fortress for the wrong reason. The past can’t hurt me anymore so I don’t need the actual stones. I am a strong woman… I’m blessed with a husband and many good friends who remind me when I doubt myself.
A flower demonstrated
life’s small victories
with its unassuming
green slivers on the
I often write poetry when I am mulling or feel like a solution is close but I just can’t put my finger on it. This decision is actually easier once I let myself consider the possibilities like my flower in the poem I wrote. It wouldn’t be painless but then in reality the things we appreciate most aren’t easy or straightforward or even uncomplicated. The conclusion is what makes it worth it.
Cooking:
Today’s cooking indulgence and some more culinary Tools for our continued war with the letter-c. We’re having pasta with fresh basil from the garden and lemon grilled basil chicken. I was surprised how well it fared in the summer heat so I have an abundance of it right now.
I did the third method with pulsing it with oil but I didn’t put it in ice cubes trays. I put tablespoons on a cookie sheet and flash froze it. Tomorrow, or later tonight if I feel ambitious, I’ll toss it into a zip lock bag. That way I’ll always have the exact portion correct.
Cancer toolkit
Fennel is a digestive aid as well as being anti-inflammatory.
Flax Seeds and Chia Seeds are anti-inflammatory. Flax and Chia seeds are high in omega-3 fatty acid which is good for us. I toss both on yogurt, on our salads, and in muffins.
Garlic is anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial and antibacterial. I don’t know about you but I love garlic. I added extra when I made the pesto tonight, it called for two cloves and I used five. 🙂
Stevie Nicks wrote the song Landslide and performed it but my favorite versions were actually by Fleetwood Mac and the Dixie Chicks. I feel this song sums my life in so many ways because I was scared to leave my babies alone with their father especially during his heavy drinking days. I became a buffer so they didn’t get the brunt of his actions.
“Life is beautifully tragic.
Giving it up isn’t the hard part; it’s the living part that everyone struggles with.”
― Allison Blanchard
Once my children had all left home I realized it was now or never. I needed to live the seasons of my own life. I have. At 45, single, in college and learning to be self-sufficient. Some decisions, I made were good and some not so much but that’s life in a nutshell. I needed to try. I needed to find out who Lyn was. Not just be someone’s wife, someone’s mother, or even someone’s friend. I’m still discovering who Lyn is, just when I think I know myself , things happen and I learn something new. At 64, the life lessons are interesting and challenging at times but I know everything will work out. I’m reminded of a quote by Carroll Bryant “No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it.”
“I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm
Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too
Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too
I’m gettin’ older, too
Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down”
“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.”
― George Santayana
I shared two of my vignettes last night in the writing group. They were in the first draft stage. I wasn’t disappointed with the critiques, my fellow writers offered some good suggestions to help clean the writing up. I’m actually pleased to have six thousand words written thus far. That’s not counting my blogs here and on WDC. YAY!
We all have things that get to us, whether it be happy feelings or sad feelings? Please Join me in this blogging prompt to discuss a food that triggers your emotions. If you wish to take part, link to my corresponding post with a pingback and tag your post Emotional Triggers Prompt
When I was a child, I believed Santa made M&M cookies because when I rose on Christmas morning our Douglas fir tree was covered with cookies hanging by red ribbons. It was a sight to behold so many red and green M&M cookies. My mouth watered in anticipation of all those cookies waiting just for me. Santa made Christmas magical with cookies everywhere.
What I didn’t know was all year long my grandparents would carefully sort the candy leaving only the brown, yellow and orange ones. I never noticed, I’m not even sure I actually knew the red and green were missing. It was just exciting having candy after dinner on the porch listening to my grandmother read out loud. This was before the M&M bags came in holiday colors. Now its so easy to have specific colors.
I looked forward to the cookie covered tree even after Santa’s mystery was revealed. To me the tree covered with M&M cookies was magical. Her homemade cookies were better than any gift under the tree.
As an adult, I so wanted my children to have those same magical moments on Christmas morning as I did. I collected the reds and greens just like they had done all those prior years. I quickly discovered how challenging it is to keep the holes as they baked. Thank goodness Grandma shared her secret of using pieces of pipe cleaners to keep the opening and then you gently slid it out and then used a needle to thread the ribbon through. I still broke lots of cookies in my attempts. I used to get so frustrated I would cry. Why couldn’t I do it? She always did.
Working full time and raising three children didn’t allow for much time and trying to create the magic became more of a dreaded task than it was worth. I felt like I was failing as a parent but even worse that I was failing my grandparents. After a few years, I decided to stop torturing myself. I needed to make new memories with my children. I still bake M&M cookies every year but I don’t try to hang them on the tree. I always lay one cookie for my grandparents on a tree branch as a tribute to all they did to make my childhood magical at Christmas. They were incredible people and I miss them so much.
For me, Christmas hasn’t been the same since. I always feel let down feeling looking at the tree without the magical cookies.
“Cookies are the sweetest comfort food. They are bite-sized and personal” ~Sandra Lee,
Today is day 15 and the prompt is a film that broke your heart.
I’ll begin with the film that broke my heart. It was the Notebook, a 2004 romantic drama film directed by Nick Cassavetes, written by Jeremy Leven and based on the novel of the same name by Nicholas Sparks. The film stars Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as a young couple who fall in love in the 1940s. Their story is read from a notebook in the present day by an elderly man (played by James Garner), telling the tale to a fellow nursing home resident (played by Gena Rowlands, who is Cassavetes’s mother). ~ Wikipedia.
The reason for my sadness was my grandparents passed away in a similar style. My grandma had dementia and didn’t know anyone but my grandpa patiently buffered as did Garner in the movie. The difference in my world is my grandpa passed and my grandma joined him a few months later without ever speaking again. So it hit on so many emotional levels, I haven’t been able to watch it without tears. Yeah, I know I’m a sappy one at heart beneath my gruff exterior.
54 days into the letter -c, nothing has changed except I’m getting familiar alternative resources that exist out there to help me win this battle. I am not interested in chemo or radiation but if changing my food consumption, and daily activities along with immuno-therapy can kick this disease to the curb, I’m in. I’m reading everything I can so every decision I make will be beneficial to me.
“While we long for life without difficulties, we’re reminded that oaks grow strong in contrary winds, and diamonds are made under pressure.”– Peter Marshall
Cancer ….I’m watching you, I’m the stalker you’re going to wish you never met. With that note let’s go to my song choice for today. Every Breath You Take. If you’re not familiar with the background of this story, Sting said it’s about jealousy, ownership, surveillance during the break up of his first marriage. He stalked like I will this disease.
Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay, I’ll be watching you
Oh, can’t you see you belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make, and every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I’ll be watching you
Since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying, “Baby, baby, please”
Oh, can’t you see you belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make and every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I’ll be watching you
Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you
I’ll be watching you
Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take (I’ll be watching you)
Every single day, every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)
Every move you make, every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake (I’ll be watching you)
Every single day, every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)
Every breath you take, every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take (I’ll be watching you)
Every single day, every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)
Every move you make, every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake (I’ll be watching you)
Every single day, every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay (I’ll be watching you)
I have no intention of letting this disease have the upper hand, battle lines drawn and I’m a fierce competitior. I own this body, not you cancer so get used to being stalked. This is a vow I will not break.
Cancer Culinary toolkit addition for today is:
Edamane or soybeans are anti-inflammatory, they supposedly jump start our immune system in addition to putting up roadblocks that starve new cancer cells.
Eggs are anti-inflammatory according to the authors of the Cancer Fighting Kitchen but there’s a lot of controversy about their benefits versus risks. Trust your gut on this one. For me, eggs have always been a staple in my diet and my cholesterol numbers are excellent so I’m not inclined to kick them to the curb unless instructed to.
I’ve posted a lot of links today to help if you know someone like me battling the letter-c. Knowledge is power. Even if you’re not facing this battle, healthy food consumption is key to your continued health.
“You have to be willing to give up the life you planned, and instead, greet the life that is waiting for you.”– Joseph Campbell
My pleasure reading has taken a serious hit the last couple of days with getting the taxes out of here. My husband suffered with the brunt of the nightmare which I am grateful for. I helped with the organization but all the data entry fell upon him. Now that it is in the mail I’m looking forward to digging into Rebel Yell by S.C. Gwynne in addition to finishing diyMFA and Queenie and Steering the Craft. I enjoy reading different topics in my day. diyMFA and Steering the Craft, I’m doing practice exercises along with the reading material so they’re definitely not bedtime reading. Queenie fulfills that position whereas Rebel Yell is a thick book that I do better sitting upright in a chair holding. What about your reading habits? How do you do it? I’m curious.
On Writing.com I’m organizing another virtual blogging trip for our group of writers. I’m looking forward to the mental distraction. We had a blast the last few times we did it together. Basically, I prepare an itinerary, and they either look up on the web about the location, and discuss what would appeal to them if they were actually there in person. Would it be the food, the setting, the people they’re with (fellow bloggers) the nightlife, history or art? Other bloggers must comment on at least two blogs to make it enjoyable.
lyncrain 
